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March 17th, 2009
02:01 am - note to self: memoirs title
aus1390: omg
and by the way
u should write that book
me: which book?
aus1390: "nice guys don't finish last, they finish OFTEN"
u could make that into a book
and make a pretty penny on it
I mean, I had been thinking about writing up all my stories, and combining it with these LJ entries, and basically making that into my memoirs thus far, with a title like "Renee and her Stories." But Greg's idea might just be a candidate.
--Renizzle
Current Music: Blame It, Jamie Foxx
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March 16th, 2009
01:08 am - quotes from the weekend of Judy's visit
Me: "It's 70 proof."
Judy: "That's a lot."
Drew: "Many a proof."
Matt: "If this was a rap battle, we'd be saying, like, 'proofs like a math class.'"
Isaac, out of nowhere: "What the fuck was I saying?"
Matt: "You know, usually, someone says that when they're in the middle of actually saying something."
LAUGHTER.
Isaac: "Ah, my brain, you are a hilarious mistress."
Day 1: Judy is told that the T closes. She cannot grasp this and how much it sucks.
Day 2: Judy is told that the T closes. She cannot grasp this and how much it sucks.
Day 3:
Walking out of the Improv Asylum at 1, Judy says, "We could have actually taken the T."
Isaac: "Nope. Last trains are at 12:30."
Judy (stops in her tracks): "TWELVE? THIRTY?"
Matt: "You have learned this, EVERY NIGHT."
Day 4:
Judy: "So if the way the T works is that it all goes in towards the middle and then out..."
Me: "Yeah. It's actually REALLY RETARDED. Because some of the ends are really close to each other and instead you have to go to them by way of the middle."
Matt: "Is it that time now? For T realizations?"
LATER, at 1:36 AM.
Judy: "We have to be at the airport in...3 hours."
Drew: points and laughs at me
Me: "It's totally fine, I've been going to sleep every night at 5:30 AM anyway."
Judy: "I can just take the T..."
Me and Drew: "No, you can't. It stops running."
Judy: (mock) "Fuuuuuuck!"
There was so much fucking funny this weekend. Like. Fucking. EVERYTHING. Every statement would be opened up and dissected for all possible funny potential. As they come back to me I'll post them. I should just get a twitter or something. Except the funny is usually as a result of things that are too long for a twitter post. Anyway this entry didn't even capture like 1% of the funny that was to be had this weekend. I'm NOT READY TO COME OFF MY CRAZY TWO-WEEK-LONG NATURAL HIGH!
Love,
Renizzle
Edit 1
Me (to Drew): "Drizzle!"
Pause.
Judy: "I don't even know how I would begin to start spelling Drizzle."
Pause.
All of us: "How about, like the ACTUAL WORD?" "I have an idea:....D....R." "It's a real word. Not that hard."
Edit 2
Isaac, John and Derek have been trying to locate the smell of fish in their kitchen for a few days now. The first day I walked in and heard them talking about it, I was like, dude, Ossipee totally hid a fish somewhere in your kitchen. They said, nah, nah, it's definitely the fact that Isaac had sardines earlier.
Then on Saturday night...
Isaac: "That's it. What the fuck. Where is it coming from?"
Me: "I'm telling you, they pranked you. It's probably like in the counter or something."
I go to the bathroom and overhear the next exchange.
Isaac: "But where could it be coming from? We looked everywhere."
Matt: "Did you look in this pot?"
(they open the pot and smell it)
Both: "No, that smells bad, but not like fish."
Matt: "Did you look in that light?"
Isaac: (goes to look at the light, wrecks himself on the hood, takes a few moments to recover)
Matt: "How about these cupboards?"
Isaac: "Nah we didn't look there."
PAUSE.
Matt: "So when you said you looked everywhere...you didn't look in the cu-where DID you look, exactly?"
Isaac: "We looked everywhere the sardines were. So like, the trash, the bowl..."
Judy: "How about the OVEN?"
Isaac: "I've been thinking about doing that, actually."
PAUSE.
They open the oven, and in it is a gigantic dead fish.
LATER.
Matt: "Even when we suggested the oven, he didn't just open the door, he was like 'I've been THINKING about doing that.'"
Edit 3
It was 10:52 PM, and Matt was trying to prove that a flavor of frozen yogurt with Worcestershire sauce was tasty, and we refused to believe him. I said we should go to JP Licks right now and settle it once and for all. Drew was ON. BOARD. because he was just telling us how seriously he and Vinh take their ice cream. I yelled to Serena, who worked at JP Licks this summer.
Me: "SERENA!"
Serena: "yeah?"
Me: "What time does JP Licks close tonight?"
Serena: "11:00."
Me: "WE CAN MAKE IT."
Thus ensued a crazed frenzy in which we got dressed and ran to the car and drove at high speed to JP Licks in order to arrive before it closed. I got out and sprinted to the entrance, and made it with five minutes to spare. I tried the Yo Tango and liked it; Drew and Judy found it appalling, a crime against ice cream. As we waited for our respective ice cream choices, I realized that I never told Drew that I actually am also really serious about ice cream, because it is one of the only sweet things left to me as an option for consumption. Cake and cookies, brownies and pastries are all gone, but ice cream is something I can depend on. I turned back to Drew and said -
Me: "Wait. Drew. I don't think you understand how serious I am about ice cream."
Drew: "Renee. I just SAW how serious you are about ice cream. I just put my life on the line because you are so serious about ice cream."
mwffwm: story reconstruction is so difficult
^^ word, Matt. word.
Edit 4
When I met Rafi's brolover Peter, I was like so excited about him and went into warp-speed-storytelling. Judy later described it as, "Renee met Peter. And then she came up to him...and vomited words all over him."
But in the middle of my story, after I had name-dropped Judy, Katya, Will, Josh, and got to Andrei, Peter said:
"I feel like I'm watching Lost - on mute - out of order."
Isaac trying to cut down on swearing:
Isaac: "Fucking...he is SO fucking unpredictable. FUCK!"
Kiss Me Thru the Phone comes on the radio.
Me: "Haha, Judy! It's on again."
Judy: "It's so catchy."
Isaac, in a tone of real respect and really impressed: "I gotta hand it to him, Souljah Boy has grown SO MUCH as an artist."
Pause.
Me: "What the FUCK? Are you serious? Like yeah, he's come a really long way since SUPERMAN THAT HO. Which is the ONLY OTHER THING HE DID. He didn't have to do much better in order to make a huge improvement."
Current Music: S Factor's rendition of I Wanna Know
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March 2nd, 2009
01:23 am - Quotes compiled from the night of Steve's 80s party
1. On the topic of the couple making out (where the guy was like picking at her asshole...) -
Mike: "Yo so, whose genitalia do we think is going to come out first?"
Boris: "I'm putting 20 dollars on the cock."
Later after Boris and the girl realized they were both TCNJ students -
Boris: "u neyo sisya vipala" (translation: her boob fell out.)
2. This one is funny in the context of the retarded suspender'd jazzercise thing I was wearing
Me: "I need to pee."
Mike: "Is that...even...POSSIBLE?"
3. Me: "I love...the random chicken noises in Afroman songs."
Boris: "That's actually what I like the least about Afroman songs."
Me: "Dude, I don't actually love it. I actually can't stand it."
Boris: "I KNOW. But also, when did it happen that 'I love' became 'this...exists.'? Like I missed that memo."
4. Boris' shocking discovery: "Wait Renee...have you noticed that, like, we have ALL THE SAME INTERESTS?"
5. As we watched the guy dig into the girl's asshole, Boris turned to me and said, "Wait, Renee...I think this is the first recorded instance of 'vlyublena...V JOPU!' Like, this is vlyublena v jopu."
6. And a throwback to when Boris and Andrei were sitting my kitchen -
Boris: "Yeah, we baby."
Remind me how baby became a verb in that context?
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February 28th, 2009
03:44 pm - some Andrewisms and Daveisms...prob. will be updated throughout the weekend
Andrew, to my dad: "Yo, man. Let's go pick up some chicks."
My dad: "...Andrew! Do you know what chicks are?"
Andrew: "Yeah. Little chickens. Duh."
me: Andrew: "once I played Parcheesi with yellow pieces and I sucked eggs."
pause.
croptonyellow: fail
child fail
me: Me: (distastefully) "Don't say 'sucked eggs.'"
Andrew: "Why? it's age-APPROPRIATE."
croptonyellow: ask him to tell the sparkling wiggles to get a job XD
me: like i swear to god he just said that
croptonyellow: LOL
andrew
is a winner
me: hahaha oh man he's like old enough to find that funny now
croptonyellow: guaranteed
future senator
"senator why do you support the proposed agriculture subsidies"
3:27 PM "because your mom's a WHORE fucker."
me: (shocked silence)
"...senator!"
Andrew: "What? it's AGE APPROPRIATE."
me: to protect the world from devastation
to unite all peoples within our nation
to (verb) the evils of truth and love
to extend our reach to the stars above
Jessie!
James!
Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light
croptonyellow: fuck yeah
me: surrender now or prepare to fight!
croptonyellow: is your brother in team rocket
me: MEOWTH THAT'S RIGHT
3:41 PM Me: "Andrew, my friend Dave wants to know if you're in Team Rocket."
Andrew: "No. why do you ask?"
pause.
Andrew: "....okay. that was awkward."
croptonyellow: LOL
me: swear to god
i love him
3:42 PM croptonyellow: what a badass
can I become his mentor in awesome
so when he goes to college he can major in awesome
with a minor in entrepeneurial leadership
me: HAHAHA
the Birenbaum family pioneers creative majors
i'm majoring in Sexual Humor, as you know
and Andrew majors in Awesomeness
3:43 PM croptonyellow: I'm a dual major in foreplay and pelvic thrust
there is some overlap but generally two distinct subsets
me: LOL
WOOOOOOOOOOOOW
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
3:44 PM croptonyellow: *swish
3:45 PM I asked my friend what he’s majoring in at college – he replies “bitches with a minor in jack daniels” he then asked me, I said “standing awkwardly in the corner with a minor in crying while masturbating”
Edit 1: Andrew seriously comments on the SYMBOLISM in Avatar
In the season finale of season 2, Zuko is standing between Iroh and Azula and has to choose between the path of banished good or the path of compromised success and evil.
Andrew says, "Renee, the side of his face with the mark of the banished prince is facing Uncle Iroh, and the side without the mark of the banished prince is facing Azula." LIKE WTF. HE NOTICED AND COMMENTED ON THAT? That like, the mark of the banished prince - his past - is facing Iroh, and the unscarred side - the promise of a future as an honored Fire Nation prince - is facing Azula? I cannot believe my brother right now, even I didn't notice that shit.
Edit 2: my parents are awesome.
My mom: "So, what are your thoughts on the bailout?...COMRADE RENEE?"
We had this whole discussion at the dinner table about facebook, myspace and odnoklassniki.ru. My mom detailed how some woman she knows from Russia, Larissa, probably didn't realize that you didn't have to friend someone in order to talk to them and then unfriend them when the conversation is over, because her newsfeed would constantly show her friending and unfriending people. She was like, "And this other woman I met on the site - Lena - got unfriended by her, and asked me about it b/c she was kind of uncomfortable and felt like Larissa spat in her face. At this moment I look at my newsfeed and see, 12:51 - Larissa is now friends with Abram Shmulevich. 12:57 - Larissa is no longer friends with Abram Shmulevich. I seriously just copy pasted that to Lena and said, 'I promise it's not a spit in your face, because there you have it. A record. Six minutes.'" To which my dad said, "That is what I like to call 'a quickie.'"
And later my dad said something like, "Whatever, you can post that to myface dot com, or spacebook, or whatever it is."
Also, I've been accumulating nicknames like it's my job. Don't even know how to sign off now!
--cmfb (the Js)
--Sunshine (Matt)
--Kid (Dave)
--Madeline/Maddy/Mads (Emerson)
--"my Russian beauty" (Vince, hahaha!)
Current Music: Karma Chameleon
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02:47 pm - Reasons 345987 and 345988 why I love Boris
345987. Boris: "So the guy I was with was like...'Tomorrow I'm going to go to IKEA. I love IKEA. Like, my whole life was purchased from IKEA."
Me: "Ahh! IKEA scares us!"
Boris: "Yeah, I was like 'I've only been in IKEA once, and...it made me feel like I was a sperm again.'"
345988. Boris: "So I was having, like, grandparent press conference in my room about my future."
Me: "ohhhhh, BEEN THERE."
Boris: "Yeah and they're just like, 'So what courses are you taking?' and stuff...and then I started telling them about how you and I are writing a book, and that we want to get it done while we're still young because of the star power that entails...at which point my grandpa says the most awkward thing, he's like...'U Rini yest malchik?'" (translation: "Does Renee have a boy?")
Me: "hahaha! I've been waiting for something like that to happen."
Boris: "Yeah, well, I mean...so what I said was, well, actually, she DID have one, but recently they've kind of called it off..."
Me: "What did he say? 'Boris, you gotta LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN.'"
Boris: "UM, BASICALLY. He was like...'A POCHEMU NE TI?'" (translation: "and WHY NOT YOU?")
Me: "Hahahahahahahaahahahah!....dude, but like, if I were operating within his frame of reference I'd be asking the same question."
Boris: "I know, but like - you know how you always tell me the story of how your grandpa will be sitting at the table and just saying all this random shit, and your grandma will turn to him after a moment go, like, 'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SERIOUSLY.' Well that's EXACTLY what happened, everyone in the room just turns to him and goes 'NU KAKOY VOPROS?' (translation: WELL WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT??) and it was hilarious."
Me: "But how did you explain why we aren't together? I mean if I were him I'd be wondering that too...we are ALWAYS TOGETHER."
Boris: "No, I think I explained it in a way that makes sense, which was basically......'I mean, do YOU sleep with people you work with?'"
Me: "HAHAHAHAHA! It's like that expression...which one...'don't take a shit'...something. Or like, don't bite the hand that feeds you?"
Boris: "No, no, it's 'don't shit where you eat.'"
Me: "That's the one!"
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February 26th, 2009
03:16 pm - Moments in which you love the universe
1. I was talking to Dave about how I love picking up Boris' mannerisms and love when he recognizes that he's picked up mine. I said, "What was it...recently, he totally picked up one of my phrases that didn't catch on at Tufts...WHAT WAS IT? It wasn't 'which, blah blah blah'....something to do with food..."
After a while, as Dave knew I would, I called Boris to see if he could figure it out.
Me: "Okay, you know how sometimes you and I pick up random phrases and mannerisms from one another? What is like a recent one you've gotten from me? It's not 'Which, blah blah blah'."
Boris: "...oh, you know what it is? I know what it is. It's...fucking...'with a side of.'"
Me: "YES! YESSSSS! Like, adjective with a side of same adjective."
Boris: "Except I now use it with different adjectives and non-adjectives."
Me: "Yeah, like, 'It was AMAZING, with a side of...NO.' Like that."
2. me: do you want to hear something ridiculous
so
there's this guy in my choir whose name is Speed Franklin
like his given name is Speed
on his birth certificate
and Boris realized
that if he went to Russia
his name would be
2:23 AM
СПИДlike
AIDS
like Judy
like his name in Russian
is AIDS
in English it's Speed
and in Russian
his name is AIDS
i'm like dying
Judith: HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
me: and
wait for it
HE'S GAY.
i just snorted
Judith: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA NO THAT IS UNFAIR
me: i cannot wait to tell him
Speed
you cannot go to Russia
because
2:24 AM you are gay and your name is AIDS in Russia
like you're just asking for a hate crime, Speed
because people will be able to tell you're gay
and your name is AIDS
they'll think they're helping out public health
2:26 AM СПИД
Judith: i .. can't believe that's real
3. Anything involving Hena in the last few days. "Squirt, nothing, tool." Andrei sadly jerking off in the corner.
4. When Phil tried to distract me with a cute boy and it ended up being Pat.
5. Jayson tried to extricate himself from this IM conversation like 5 times by saying "okay gotta get back to work," and I'd always come up with something else to say that would make him stay. Finally -
me: oof, but the vindicated thing kills
5:13 PM it's like when i lead people to the wrong arts haus
OKAY ENOUGH i'm sorry
you are like some kind of conversational black hole
juppal: haha is there more than one?
some would say the same of you
me: constantly pulling words out of me
i'm like a conversational geyser
no, i just thought it was arts haus
and it was totally not
juppal: best analogy yet
me: it was the art history department
5:14 PM why thank you
juppal: close
me: :bows:
no it wasn't
the art history dept is by sophia
arts haus is on sawyer
and i was like "Guys. come on. I'm a senior, I THINK I know where arts haus is."
juppal: they are both art related
me: haha you're way too nice to me
you're trying to make it better
juppal: art can be interpreted in many ways
me: i don't think it can be made better
HAHAHAHAHAH!
HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
5:15 PM well dooooone
juppal: yes yes I will now take my bow
me: this is like
juppal: and with that I exit
me: conversational mutual masturbation
and I think THAT is the best analogy
and also, that's what she said
juppal: hahahaha! an even better analogy
me: :-D
yay us!
juppal: wow two in one!
me: LOL
ALSO
a that's what she said
i'm like dying
of laughter
5:16 PM wheeeew
juppal: wow ok my brain is about to explode
me: i guess this was
juppal: and now I must go read about autoregressive integrated moving average time series
me: mindblowing conversational mutual masturbation
juppal: it really has
5:17 PM me: i must go back to reading about the effective tax rate on energy investment
remind me why i'm majoring in this
and not sexual humor
juppal: I can't actually think of anything sexual
unfortunately
me: Dear Tufts,
5:18 PM I would like to create a new major
Core Requirements:
Sexual Humor 001: That's What She Said
juppal: send that to bacow
on a nice letter head
me: 002: Innuendo
juppal: oh my god
me: (letter HEAD?) <---
juppal: IM LEAVING
bye :)
6. me: Natasha, I'm going crazy
can i tell you a secret
i kind of wish i wasn't going home this weekend
Tufts is pretty amazing right now
natashakicksass: whyyy
well!
i'm coming to visit you the weekend after!
me: b/c i realized this is my last semester
and like
every weekend i spend at home
is a weekend i don't spend here
and then that's it!
3:34 PM i will have no more chances to hang out with cool tufts people
to go party hopping
like think about it
how many weekends do i have left at tufts?
it's like TEN or something!
natashakicksass: aw, well you don't have to come home if you don't want to.. but i think daddy is planning a fam get together for sunday that's the only thing
natashakicksass: the only thing isssssssssss your blackberry awaits
me: well not the ONLY thing
i like you and mommy and daddy and andrew too you know
yeah!
natashakicksass: and BABUSHKA
JEEZ RENEE
me: well i mean everyone
LarissaBeckyJeffrey
OlyaSashaJamieMichael
natashakicksass: hahaha
me: (i'm like Andrew when Grandma taught him our family members a few years ago)
natashakicksass: i hope you just sang that to the russian name song because i did
3:37 PM me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
natashakicksass: na na na na ee karina
me: sveta valia lalia nina
yulia vika josefina
natashakicksass: lol i just made that up
me: lmfao
no karina's there
raya zaya i karina
natashakicksass: there ya go!
me: lmao
11:24 PM DUDE
i have to share something with you
i know you'll understand
this morning i got up
11:25 PM and i grabbed the underwear that was on the top of my pile
it was white, see through and lacy
and i'm about to put it on
and then i'm like
"Wait. I haven't gotten my period in a while, and it's still irregular. Putting on white, lacy, see through underwear? is just ASKING for it."
natashakicksass: HAHAH
me: wait
WAIT
natashakicksass: tell me you got it
me: so then
i take the other ones
Responds Well to Compliments
natashakicksass: that shit ALWAYS happens to me
11:26 PM ohhh smart@
me: and in the middle of choir i totally fucking got it
natashakicksass: HAHAHHA
me: do you SEE how i pre-empted that shit?
it was like
natashakicksass: thats my girl
me: Dear God,
I WIN!
Sincerely, Renee
natashakicksass: hahahahaha i love you renee
me: I LOVE YOU TOO
and when we have blackberries we can talk alllll the time
lol
also i realized
that
i totally have skype
and i left one of my webcams at home
11:27 PM so we can theoretically have video skype chats sometime
natashakicksass: i dont even know what that means
me: LOL
natashakicksass: come on renee you know im technologically challenged
me: lmfao
11:28 PM skype is what mommy uses to "talk to Russia"
when she's "on the phone with Russia"
hahahahahahaha
Thank you, universe!
Current Music: Rachmaninoff Vespers
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November 18th, 2008
09:40 am - Overheard at Fletcher
LOL.
Fletcher student: "So I was on the bus today, and Aaron is like, 'Hillary Clinton SecState?' Right?...But I heard, Hillary Clinton SEX TAPE? So Aaron's all, 'Yeah, Drudge just broke it, yeah, it's great because now it'll keep her quiet.' And then he turns to me and is like, 'Dude, what do you think?' And I'm just like...'That's...DISGUSTING!'"
The face of shocked revulsion really sealed this one.
Back to international finance!
Updatingly yours,
Luseeya
P.S. I'm not sure the Luseeya signoff even works anymore. I don't think Ken even calls me that. More recent nicknames are "Naynay" (managers), "sis" (Jonah, haha!), and probably my favorite, "CFB" (UAE people), which sometimes devolves into CMFMFMFB. And I won't sicken you with all the ridiculous things Derek calls me :)
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August 4th, 2008
11:02 am - haha...oh, that's rich, America!
In the true nature of the post-fucking-everything generation, I can't help but view this election with general amusement and bafflement. Like - really? There are REALLY that many people professing to love the candidate, or the party, or hate the other guy/party? I think it's so much more fascinating to analyze the analysts.
I've had a lot of time this summer to dick around on the computer, and have read a bunch of online newspapers and blogs and such. And I find it so ridiculous that people are so opinionated about this election - HOW? How can you have such strong opinions, when all the information we're being given is totally colored by someone's agenda, spun into oblivion, and handed to you in a vacuum-sealed wrapper?
I'm an independent, and fucking proud of it, because I think it's possible to be interested in politics while acknowledging the high level of bullshit involved.
The first thing that had me shaking my head at the election was the bizarre primary season, in which I watched a handful of experienced Democratic candidates get chucked by the wayside to herald the coming of Better-Selling Newspapers, in the form of the first female and black candidates. Did anyone even know there was a Biden campaign?
On the Republican side - and believe me, I sympathize in many ways with the conservative ideology, but not the party of creationism in public schools - at least voters caught wise to Romney's choking fakeness. When asked, Why is it that as governor of Mass, you supported abortion and opposed the death penalty, and now espouse the opposing views?, he just launched into a cartoonish "grateful" speech in which he managed to thank his family, The American People, and not even attempt to answer the question. I know it's standard practice, but really, do we have such a short attention span that we forgot that there was a question he was supposed to be answering? Were people really taken in by his smarm?
The youtube debates were capable of inducing mass suicides. One of the questions was, "How many guns do you own, and which one is your favorite?" REALLY, Republicans? Actually, I'd like to know the answer, so I can promptly choose the favorite one and shoot myself in the stomach with it.
Of course, this anecdote revealed some interesting spin issues. My parents said, "You don't know what you're talking about. That debate was on CNN, a famously liberal media outlet, which probably put in those questions for exactly that reason, to make Republicans look stupid." I repeated this to Steve, who worked for the Edwards campaign. His response was some variant of - "Really? Because I think that the 'liberal media' is still owned by conservative businessmen, who purposely didn't cover the campaigns of Edwards, Biden, Richardson and Dodd. They wanted to advertise and promote the two most polarizing figures, Hillary and Obama, in order to make a Democratic win as tough as possible."
Whom to believe? There's no way of knowing. Both views are likely wrong. which is why, yet again, I have no idea why people are so quick to jump on ANY political bandwagon.
Next it became apparent that the media is in some desperate times. I mean really, how many fake uproars can they manufacture before people get wise that none of this shit really matters? I found it hilarious when every sunk their claws into some comments Obama made, and all of a sudden we had a new "fiasco" onto which we could tack a "-gate" suffix: "Bittergate." (joining the company of such stars as "Nipplegate".)The pundits were railing! they were fired up! they were convinced that Obama was finished, that voters would recoil and angrily rally to the sides of McCain!.......oh wait. NOTHING HAPPENED. No one cared.
Now maybe you've all noticed the hilarious game of "Which campaign can disown these remarks faster?" race. Round One: Wesley Clark is asked about whether or not Obama has the military chops to be commander-in-chief. When he responds in the affirmative, the interviewer presses on that John McCain flew a plane and was shot down! Clark countered that flying a plane and getting shot down does not qualify one to be president. That's it! All hell breaks loose! General Wesley Clark was seriously denigrating McCain's military service! We demand an apology for this disrespect! Obama quickly stepped up to the plate and delivered the severance. Round Two: Phil Gramm says that America is a nation of whiners and that our economic hardships are in our heads. Pandemonium! Apocalypse! This was the guy, after all, who McCain supported for a presidental bid over a decade ago! What, you didn't know that, Mr. Louie Jones of Nebraska? I mean, don't you think this says a lot about McCain, since OBVIOUSLY he was planning on making Gramm his Secretary of Treasury? McCain scored extra points for a humorous put-down, saying that Phil Gramm probably had a spot in the McCain administration, as the ambassador to Belarus. (Belarus is pissed! Pissed, I tell you! They don't want to deal with no America-hatin' banker! Uproar! Catastrophe!) Most recently, Jesse Jackson announced his desire to cut Obama's balls off. Oh, and then there was the New Yorker cover where coastal Americans were terrified that them rednecks in flyover country might not be too keen on the whole, irony thing. I mean, they're...they're UNEDUCATED, right? And racist? What if they look at the cover and really think Obama wears a turban in the privacy of his own home?!?!?! THE HORROR! GODDAMN YOU NEW YORKER AND YOUR CHEEKY WIT!
I mean, really. It's just pitiful, how starved these 24-hour news networks are for actual stories. Everything's a calamity that will surely give us volumes of information that need to be interpreted 24/7, because it HAS to be. When it's not. Yet then they wonder why the predictions aren't matching up with the polls. Who really gives a shit?
The Veep speculation is similarly pathetic. People need to focus on the fact that hey, our country actually has some problems. Is the fact that Romney's dad was governor of Michigan a bazillion years ago REALLY going to influence the people in the Detroit polls? How are we even supposed to know what we're voting on if the dialogue is about motherfucking flag pins?
And how about the public outcry that the liberal savior Obama has "all of a sudden" dashed to the center? I really love Gail Collins' column when she was like, "um....what Obama are YOU talking about? The Obama I know was always kind of vague about everything, and never really talked about specific policies. Why are you shocked that he's articulating his policy positions now and they don't match up to your pedestal image of him?" People say, oh, but he's such an inspirational speaker, talking about bridging the partisan gap! And then other people respond with what they think is a witty, "You know who else was a great orator? HITLER." and continue spreading the word that Obama's just a demagogue.
It's especially funny because this election is viewed as revolutionary, that people are swarming into political activism and the names Obama and McCain are on everyone's tongues. And yet I'm just really not inspired by either of the candidates. Neither party really matches my stance on the issues, and neither character is particularly compelling to me. I honestly have no idea for whom I'll vote in November. I still feel as though I really don't have enough information to pass judgment either way.
I care about the economy; employment is looming ever-nearer, and it is going to SUCK to have to enter such a shitty job market. But whose plan for the economy is better? Will McCain do more of the same shitty Bush economic "management," or will Obama's tax-raising be more destructive? I care about energy, obviously. McCain was transparent enough to support the idiocy of the gas-tax holiday, and I'm glad that Obama is making a distinction between offshore drilling as a quick fix to gas prices vs. a piece of a desperately-needed long-term energy strategy.
But what does that even come to? It's so difficult for me to believe that either of these men will be a transformative figure that puts all their words into actions. They have entire administration that will be the architects of the nation's agenda. Why does McCain's lack of economic awareness matter if he takes on the best economists? Why does Obama's lack of military service matter if it's the generals who will make all the decisions?
And most of all: Why am I even writing about this stuff, if my two possible voting arenas (New Jersey and Massachusetts) are going to go blue regardless of how I cast my vote? Why aren't we talking about dumbly the American political system is structured, such that every single fucking election hinges on Ohio and Florida?
It boggles the mind. But I guess my POV should be put out there, so that years from now, when political strategists are trying to figure out how to play into the minds of the young independents, they can maybe get a clue.
Politically yours,
Shenoodle.
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July 26th, 2008
02:42 am - I love Catchphrase
Judy and I were on the way home from Suburban, with Tal lying on the backseat from exhaustion. Tal had spent most of the diner run in various states of unconsciousness, surfacing only to ask Dan/Mike/Ken/Kamil where he could find some bitches. Somewhere around the Midland Ave overpass, I notice that there is some really weird fart smell filling up the car.
Me: "That is some serious fartage."
Judy: "Oh god! Tal!"
Tal: (laughing)
Judy rolls down the window, as I'm commenting that this is an interesting, multifaceted example of a fart, at which point our noses are filled not with the peculiar assplosion but with the odor of skunk.
Judy and I are like, "SKUNK!!"
And Tal says: "Bitches come to me."
That was so unbelievably brilliant, it deserved an LJ entry on its own.
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February 26th, 2008
03:04 pm - The promised UAE funnies
Most people won't get these, but whatever, I just want to preserve them since I went to the trouble of writing them all down :)
- After Jared decided to have both cough syrup and whiskey on the plane, hecame up with this brilliance: "I just put that...all, in my head, together."
- Me: "The Sultan of Brunei..."
Jayson: "He's rich."
- "I think if you get good at it, you can get it out really quickly," said Jayson, making what can ONLY be described as handjob motions, whilst talking about milking cows. That shit is gold, man.
- On the McMosques: "Those windows aren't even real." (I think Jaredsaid this)
- Jayson: "That building is all gold."
Jared:"If you rub it, Robin Williams comes out the top." (Guys, I'm like cracking up all over again as I'm typing)
- Jayson: (opens van curtains) "Oh!...Wow!....Really opens up the room!"
- Jared: "Jesse FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILM"
- Jayson on Wes(t?): "He was like, just, just TAKE it, take it all, just HAVE it."
- Jayson: "It was horrible, I had to wear boxers and a Santa hat."
- Jayson convincing Daniel that Dr. Atkins had gone into real estate development...Daniel: "Isn't he dead??"
- Jesse's all-kinds-of-horrifying "Aftershocks" comment
- "You're a crazy bitch!" --Jared
- Now, I'm not sure what this one pertains to actually...I think it was when we were in line for a cab outside the mall - "Jews died in the holocaust"
- "What do you think the guy on the mosque loudspeaker was so angry about? 'I could use a sandwich!!!!'"
- Arab Rodriguez
- Mrs. Alex Rodriguez
- Dave Mou is Mr. Rodriguez
- the entire debate over guys facebook friending one another
- Poor Duke of York, had to fly all the way here while his bro got to take the 'hologram' highway
- Prince Charles quoting the Tempest: "Leave not a carbon footprint behind."
- "This is what my orgasm is. This is what an orgasm feels like." --Jared, thankfully talking about the exhibition
- Renee: large and in charge. The CFB progression: CFB --> HRH CFB --> CFFB --> CFMFB --> CMFMFB --> CMPMFMFB
- "Don't take this the wrong way, Renee, but...what do you DO when you're alone?...do you take out a mirror and practice your stories?" --Jesse
- Me: "My god, I look like I was fucked badly!"
Phil: "I think you'd look worse if you had been fucked properly."
- The Jared/Jayson/Jesse/Tim show: Dave and I watch, and Jayson strips; Arab Rodriguez, the crazy neighbor, only appears when Jared has just left...riding in on a camel; Molly the ferret;1800s Sundays; Jesse brings in something crazy and no one knows what to do with it.
- I have no idea why I wrote this, but: "Indian turbines"
- IPCC guy: "Energy efficiency is ignored b/c it's so boring and unsexy. It was good to hear the U.S. Secretary of Energy prioritize it. WOULDN'T...THAT....BE SOMETHING." Awesome.
- bleeding christmas tree...and how Alex remembered it during the panels and started laughing all over again...if you weren't there for this one, I don't think I could comfortably repeat it.
Obscurely yours,
Luseeya
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January 28th, 2008
11:48 pm - I love laughing
Me: "Are you okay?"
Jayson: "What? Yeah."
Me: "You just looked like you were on the verge of tears."
Jayson: "Yeah, I'm so sad...I missed my period."
At some point, when I have my little pretentious Moleskine back in my possession, I'll write up the myriad sources of sidesplitting laughter that stole my breath during the UAE trip. And oh, how many there were.
Snortingly yours,
Luseeya
Current Music: Rachmaninoff preludes
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December 10th, 2007
10:23 pm - The culmination of this semester, basically
Wow - the hilarity of this situation does not escape me. Tonight was basically the PERFECT thing to sum up Fall semester, '07.
Tonight was Naked Quad Run. I have a 15-page paper to write for my Fletcher class, b/c Fletcher's last day of classes is tomorrow. I went to the Fletcher library to do the paper, and at around 9 40 I get a call from Derek asking if I want to run with him.
Thanks to my enormous, all-covering coat, I disrobed in one of the Fletcher bathrooms and put my coat on on top, then walked out, completely naked underneath. I met Derek, left the coat by one of the Fletcher entrances, and proceeded to do my lap around the Res Quad. Upon returning to our stuff, I put my coat back on, kissed Derek, and walked right back into Fletcher, naked under the coat like some creepy flasher, and walked through the grad school I'm applying to, back to my stuff, to change and get back to work on my paper. Both at the NQR and in the library, I saw one of my EPIIC TAs. TALK ABOUT AWKWARD.
I think that's the most apt way to encapsulate this semester. Go be naked for a minute, because that's all you have before your ridiculous workload. WooHOOOOOOOOO!
All-business yours,
Luseeya
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October 11th, 2007
09:30 pm - I <3 Good People
So I just wanted to make an entry in tribute to Omas, because he constantly finds new ways to amaze us all by just being a nice person.
Yesterday I was really upset at the dearth of cool people and Derek. Tonight I'm walking up by the campus center with a girly umbrella, and I see Omas. I was like, "Hey!!" And he STOPS in his tracks, and grins, and goes "Oh, my, god," and then gives me a big hug (literally. he's like...6'4 or something? probably?).
Me: "Omas, you're always so happy to see me!"
Omas: "That's because it's a goddamn miracle that I'm seeing you. How ARE you?"
Me: "I'm great! How are you?"
Omas: "I'm EXHAUSTED. Living off campus..."
Then I asked where he lived, and it turns out it's not so far from me. At which point he goes, "By the way, I'm really sorry I didn't make it to your housewarming party." Which is just such a nice thing to say! I told him that it was really last minute, and before I could even say that it was busted by TUPD, he was like "I'm probably going to have a party in a few weeks, you should definitely come, check out the house..."
Me: "Yeah, that'd be great!"
Omas: "Yeah, we just...gotta figure out a living arrangement for senior year where we're all near each other."
Me: "Yeah, like...a corner of South Hall all to ourselves?"
And then he had to go. But it left me in such a good mood. Seriously, how much general coolness can a person fit into one interaction? I like it when people surprise me by continuing to be cool. And by for some reason continuing to like me for extended periods of time. I got to Eaton and repeated the whole exchange to Derek, who just broke out smiling in memory of our long pop-culture-driven conversations with Omas. He was jealous b/c he never sees Omas either. LOL. But anyway, I just think it's rare that someone so overtly communicates how much they like you. Although Dan the RA did it the other day too :)
Appreciatively yours,
Luseeya
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October 4th, 2007
01:19 pm - A not-so-epic EPIIC entry
I just wanted to post right now that I'm loving EPIIC, to remind myself later down the road (when I'll probably hate it) that once upon a time it made me happy. The Outward Bound trip made it so easy to make friends and laugh while discussing corporate corruption and global poverty. Hearing what everyone has done in their lives was really inspiring and made me happy that everyone would learn this new information about global poverty and process it from their own unique perspective. But it's not just that - it's like this connection that's been formed. When a random EPIICer came into Eaton and saw me working, she just stopped to say Hi, b/c she knew my name, and we talked for a bit about the readings. It felt cool, though, b/c we hadn't spoken prior to this exchange, but nothing was stopping us from starting a conversation, because we are joined by the bonds of EPIIChood. I love the network with the EPIIC alumni, and how we can talk to people who are working in the field about what they're doing. I love getting daily emails of relevant articles, and learning random things about Eritrean economic policy from them. I like that there's SO much crossover between this class and everything else I'm learning. And the fact that there's an EPIIC party tonight. That someone knew I was interested in energy, and when they found a microfinance organization in India that deals with investing in clean energy for the poor, emailed me the link and suggested that that could be a possible winter research destination. So many connections, based on interests both academic and non-. Bouncing ideas off one another and refining thoughts and research topics and not feeling like a nerd, because everyone there is here to learn and to put what we've learned into practice someday soon.
But of course, I say all this before I've gone to a single committee meeting or review session, so I guess EPIIC hasn't started to eat my life as much. I've also not gotten grades back from the other classes that I'm TOTALLY neglecting in favor of EPIIC. SOOOOO maybe my mouth will be shut sometime in the near future.
Nonstop-ly yours,
Luseeya
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August 19th, 2007
04:12 am - A nice night!
I'm misspelling the teachers' names on purpose to avoid Googling issues.
Judy: Wait, if we're going in Renee's car, why did I bring my iPod?
Me: I have a tape converter, we can still listen to it.
Boris: Unless Renee doesn't like your music, in which case she'll put in one of twelve HUNDRED choir CDs that all sound exactly like this -
(he covers his mouth with his hands and puts on a hilarious falsetto)
Boris: DEUS!....DEUS!......Deeeeee-uuuuuus!
Me: Does Snahyers still have that, like, PMS Club, where girls got together once a week to talk about how much they hated their lives?
Cheech: (gasping from laughter) Teen....Issues?.....Today's?.....Issues?
Me: Yeah, that's right! Today's Issues. And another reason Snahyers hated all the high school girls is because no one in Glen Rock is fat, but Snahyers weighed like 185 pounds in high school. No, I remember, she was given the lead in the play but was told to lose like 90 pounds for it.
Cheech: She hates the girls, but she has a boner for all the freshman boys!
And then I found out that the do-nothing librarian makes 102,000 per year. Ben Prawer said that they tried to see if the librarian, Miss Feeokee, would do anything in the face of mischief, so Rohan went up to the electric stapler and put 100 staples into a piece of paper, and she did nothing.
Me: Ms. Deetch was a stripper.
Cheech: NO SHE WAS NOT!
Ben: Ms. Deetch once told me that she's really bad with names, and decided to name all the men in her life John. She was like, "My husband's name is John, and my three sons are named John."
Birenbaum, out.
I love my brother and my grandma. I just walked into my house at 4:12 A.M., and the light is on in the family room. I'm thinking my sister is making out with her non-boyfriend into the wee hours of the morning. But no. Andrew and Grandma have ALREADY GOTTEN UP FOR THE DAY. And are watching adult swim.
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