You've come to hear the Lobster talk

note to self: memoirs title

2009-03-17T06:02:13Z

aus1390: omg
and by the way
u should write that book
me: which book?
aus1390: "nice guys don't finish last, they finish OFTEN"
u could make that into a book
and make a pretty penny on it

I mean, I had been thinking about writing up all my stories, and combining it with these LJ entries, and basically making that into my memoirs thus far, with a title like "Renee and her Stories." But Greg's idea might just be a candidate.

--Renizzle

quotes from the weekend of Judy's visit

2009-03-16T20:59:19Z

Me: "It's 70 proof."
Judy: "That's a lot."
Drew: "Many a proof."
Matt: "If this was a rap battle, we'd be saying, like, 'proofs like a math class.'"

Isaac, out of nowhere: "What the fuck was I saying?"
Matt: "You know, usually, someone says that when they're in the middle of actually saying something."
LAUGHTER.
Isaac: "Ah, my brain, you are a hilarious mistress."

Day 1: Judy is told that the T closes. She cannot grasp this and how much it sucks.
Day 2: Judy is told that the T closes. She cannot grasp this and how much it sucks.
Day 3:
Walking out of the Improv Asylum at 1, Judy says, "We could have actually taken the T."
Isaac: "Nope. Last trains are at 12:30."
Judy (stops in her tracks): "TWELVE? THIRTY?"
Matt: "You have learned this, EVERY NIGHT."
Day 4:
Judy: "So if the way the T works is that it all goes in towards the middle and then out..."
Me: "Yeah. It's actually REALLY RETARDED. Because some of the ends are really close to each other and instead you have to go to them by way of the middle."
Matt: "Is it that time now? For T realizations?"
LATER, at 1:36 AM.
Judy: "We have to be at the airport in...3 hours."
Drew: points and laughs at me
Me: "It's totally fine, I've been going to sleep every night at 5:30 AM anyway."
Judy: "I can just take the T..."
Me and Drew: "No, you can't. It stops running."
Judy: (mock) "Fuuuuuuck!"

There was so much fucking funny this weekend. Like. Fucking. EVERYTHING. Every statement would be opened up and dissected for all possible funny potential. As they come back to me I'll post them. I should just get a twitter or something. Except the funny is usually as a result of things that are too long for a twitter post. Anyway this entry didn't even capture like 1% of the funny that was to be had this weekend. I'm NOT READY TO COME OFF MY CRAZY TWO-WEEK-LONG NATURAL HIGH!

Love,
Renizzle

Edit 1
Me (to Drew): "Drizzle!"
Pause.
Judy: "I don't even know how I would begin to start spelling Drizzle."
Pause.
All of us: "How about, like the ACTUAL WORD?" "I have an idea:....D....R." "It's a real word. Not that hard."

Edit 2
Isaac, John and Derek have been trying to locate the smell of fish in their kitchen for a few days now. The first day I walked in and heard them talking about it, I was like, dude, Ossipee totally hid a fish somewhere in your kitchen. They said, nah, nah, it's definitely the fact that Isaac had sardines earlier.
Then on Saturday night...
Isaac: "That's it. What the fuck. Where is it coming from?"
Me: "I'm telling you, they pranked you. It's probably like in the counter or something."
I go to the bathroom and overhear the next exchange.
Isaac: "But where could it be coming from? We looked everywhere."
Matt: "Did you look in this pot?"
(they open the pot and smell it)
Both: "No, that smells bad, but not like fish."
Matt: "Did you look in that light?"
Isaac: (goes to look at the light, wrecks himself on the hood, takes a few moments to recover)
Matt: "How about these cupboards?"
Isaac: "Nah we didn't look there."
PAUSE.
Matt: "So when you said you looked everywhere...you didn't look in the cu-where DID you look, exactly?"
Isaac: "We looked everywhere the sardines were. So like, the trash, the bowl..."
Judy: "How about the OVEN?"
Isaac: "I've been thinking about doing that, actually."
PAUSE.
They open the oven, and in it is a gigantic dead fish.
LATER.
Matt: "Even when we suggested the oven, he didn't just open the door, he was like 'I've been THINKING about doing that.'"

Edit 3
It was 10:52 PM, and Matt was trying to prove that a flavor of frozen yogurt with Worcestershire sauce was tasty, and we refused to believe him. I said we should go to JP Licks right now and settle it once and for all. Drew was ON. BOARD. because he was just telling us how seriously he and Vinh take their ice cream. I yelled to Serena, who worked at JP Licks this summer.
Me: "SERENA!"
Serena: "yeah?"
Me: "What time does JP Licks close tonight?"
Serena: "11:00."
Me: "WE CAN MAKE IT."
Thus ensued a crazed frenzy in which we got dressed and ran to the car and drove at high speed to JP Licks in order to arrive before it closed. I got out and sprinted to the entrance, and made it with five minutes to spare. I tried the Yo Tango and liked it; Drew and Judy found it appalling, a crime against ice cream. As we waited for our respective ice cream choices, I realized that I never told Drew that I actually am also really serious about ice cream, because it is one of the only sweet things left to me as an option for consumption. Cake and cookies, brownies and pastries are all gone, but ice cream is something I can depend on. I turned back to Drew and said -
Me: "Wait. Drew. I don't think you understand how serious I am about ice cream."
Drew: "Renee. I just SAW how serious you are about ice cream. I just put my life on the line because you are so serious about ice cream."

mwffwm: story reconstruction is so difficult
^^ word, Matt. word.

Edit 4
When I met Rafi's brolover Peter, I was like so excited about him and went into warp-speed-storytelling. Judy later described it as, "Renee met Peter. And then she came up to him...and vomited words all over him."
But in the middle of my story, after I had name-dropped Judy, Katya, Will, Josh, and got to Andrei, Peter said:
"I feel like I'm watching Lost - on mute - out of order."

Isaac trying to cut down on swearing:
Isaac: "Fucking...he is SO fucking unpredictable. FUCK!"

Kiss Me Thru the Phone comes on the radio.
Me: "Haha, Judy! It's on again."
Judy: "It's so catchy."
Isaac, in a tone of real respect and really impressed: "I gotta hand it to him, Souljah Boy has grown SO MUCH as an artist."
Pause.
Me: "What the FUCK? Are you serious? Like yeah, he's come a really long way since SUPERMAN THAT HO. Which is the ONLY OTHER THING HE DID. He didn't have to do much better in order to make a huge improvement."

Quotes compiled from the night of Steve's 80s party

2009-03-02T06:33:52Z

1. On the topic of the couple making out (where the guy was like picking at her asshole...) -
Mike: "Yo so, whose genitalia do we think is going to come out first?"
Boris: "I'm putting 20 dollars on the cock."

Later after Boris and the girl realized they were both TCNJ students -
Boris: "u neyo sisya vipala" (translation: her boob fell out.)

2. This one is funny in the context of the retarded suspender'd jazzercise thing I was wearing
Me: "I need to pee."
Mike: "Is that...even...POSSIBLE?"

3. Me: "I love...the random chicken noises in Afroman songs."
Boris: "That's actually what I like the least about Afroman songs."
Me: "Dude, I don't actually love it. I actually can't stand it."
Boris: "I KNOW. But also, when did it happen that 'I love' became 'this...exists.'? Like I missed that memo."

4. Boris' shocking discovery: "Wait Renee...have you noticed that, like, we have ALL THE SAME INTERESTS?"

5. As we watched the guy dig into the girl's asshole, Boris turned to me and said, "Wait, Renee...I think this is the first recorded instance of 'vlyublena...V JOPU!' Like, this is vlyublena v jopu."

6. And a throwback to when Boris and Andrei were sitting my kitchen -
Boris: "Yeah, we baby."

Remind me how baby became a verb in that context?

some Andrewisms and Daveisms...prob. will be updated throughout the weekend

2009-02-28T21:34:57Z

Andrew, to my dad: "Yo, man. Let's go pick up some chicks."
My dad: "...Andrew! Do you know what chicks are?"
Andrew: "Yeah. Little chickens. Duh."

me: Andrew: "once I played Parcheesi with yellow pieces and I sucked eggs."
pause.
croptonyellow: fail
child fail
me: Me: (distastefully) "Don't say 'sucked eggs.'"
Andrew: "Why? it's age-APPROPRIATE."
croptonyellow: ask him to tell the sparkling wiggles to get a job XD
me: like i swear to god he just said that
croptonyellow: LOL
andrew
is a winner
me: hahaha oh man he's like old enough to find that funny now
croptonyellow: guaranteed
future senator
"senator why do you support the proposed agriculture subsidies"
3:27 PM "because your mom's a WHORE fucker."
me: (shocked silence)
"...senator!"
Andrew: "What? it's AGE APPROPRIATE."

me: to protect the world from devastation
to unite all peoples within our nation
to (verb) the evils of truth and love
to extend our reach to the stars above
Jessie!
James!
Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light
croptonyellow: fuck yeah
me: surrender now or prepare to fight!
croptonyellow: is your brother in team rocket
me: MEOWTH THAT'S RIGHT
3:41 PM Me: "Andrew, my friend Dave wants to know if you're in Team Rocket."
Andrew: "No. why do you ask?"
pause.
Andrew: "....okay. that was awkward."
croptonyellow: LOL
me: swear to god
i love him
3:42 PM croptonyellow: what a badass
can I become his mentor in awesome
so when he goes to college he can major in awesome
with a minor in entrepeneurial leadership
me: HAHAHA
the Birenbaum family pioneers creative majors
i'm majoring in Sexual Humor, as you know
and Andrew majors in Awesomeness
3:43 PM croptonyellow: I'm a dual major in foreplay and pelvic thrust
there is some overlap but generally two distinct subsets
me: LOL
WOOOOOOOOOOOOW
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
3:44 PM croptonyellow: *swish
3:45 PM I asked my friend what he’s majoring in at college – he replies “bitches with a minor in jack daniels” he then asked me, I said “standing awkwardly in the corner with a minor in crying while masturbating”

Edit 1: Andrew seriously comments on the SYMBOLISM in Avatar
In the season finale of season 2, Zuko is standing between Iroh and Azula and has to choose between the path of banished good or the path of compromised success and evil.
Andrew says, "Renee, the side of his face with the mark of the banished prince is facing Uncle Iroh, and the side without the mark of the banished prince is facing Azula." LIKE WTF. HE NOTICED AND COMMENTED ON THAT? That like, the mark of the banished prince - his past - is facing Iroh, and the unscarred side - the promise of a future as an honored Fire Nation prince - is facing Azula? I cannot believe my brother right now, even I didn't notice that shit.

Edit 2: my parents are awesome.
My mom: "So, what are your thoughts on the bailout?...COMRADE RENEE?"

We had this whole discussion at the dinner table about facebook, myspace and odnoklassniki.ru. My mom detailed how some woman she knows from Russia, Larissa, probably didn't realize that you didn't have to friend someone in order to talk to them and then unfriend them when the conversation is over, because her newsfeed would constantly show her friending and unfriending people. She was like, "And this other woman I met on the site - Lena - got unfriended by her, and asked me about it b/c she was kind of uncomfortable and felt like Larissa spat in her face. At this moment I look at my newsfeed and see, 12:51 - Larissa is now friends with Abram Shmulevich. 12:57 - Larissa is no longer friends with Abram Shmulevich. I seriously just copy pasted that to Lena and said, 'I promise it's not a spit in your face, because there you have it. A record. Six minutes.'" To which my dad said, "That is what I like to call 'a quickie.'"

And later my dad said something like, "Whatever, you can post that to myface dot com, or spacebook, or whatever it is."

Also, I've been accumulating nicknames like it's my job. Don't even know how to sign off now!
--cmfb (the Js)
--Sunshine (Matt)
--Kid (Dave)
--Madeline/Maddy/Mads (Emerson)
--"my Russian beauty" (Vince, hahaha!)

Reasons 345987 and 345988 why I love Boris

2009-02-28T19:57:20Z

345987. Boris: "So the guy I was with was like...'Tomorrow I'm going to go to IKEA. I love IKEA. Like, my whole life was purchased from IKEA."
Me: "Ahh! IKEA scares us!"
Boris: "Yeah, I was like 'I've only been in IKEA once, and...it made me feel like I was a sperm again.'"

345988. Boris: "So I was having, like, grandparent press conference in my room about my future."
Me: "ohhhhh, BEEN THERE."
Boris: "Yeah and they're just like, 'So what courses are you taking?' and stuff...and then I started telling them about how you and I are writing a book, and that we want to get it done while we're still young because of the star power that entails...at which point my grandpa says the most awkward thing, he's like...'U Rini yest malchik?'" (translation: "Does Renee have a boy?")
Me: "hahaha! I've been waiting for something like that to happen."
Boris: "Yeah, well, I mean...so what I said was, well, actually, she DID have one, but recently they've kind of called it off..."
Me: "What did he say? 'Boris, you gotta LOCK THAT SHIT DOWN.'"
Boris: "UM, BASICALLY. He was like...'A POCHEMU NE TI?'" (translation: "and WHY NOT YOU?")
Me: "Hahahahahahahaahahahah!....dude, but like, if I were operating within his frame of reference I'd be asking the same question."
Boris: "I know, but like - you know how you always tell me the story of how your grandpa will be sitting at the table and just saying all this random shit, and your grandma will turn to him after a moment go, like, 'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SERIOUSLY.' Well that's EXACTLY what happened, everyone in the room just turns to him and goes 'NU KAKOY VOPROS?' (translation: WELL WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT??) and it was hilarious."
Me: "But how did you explain why we aren't together? I mean if I were him I'd be wondering that too...we are ALWAYS TOGETHER."
Boris: "No, I think I explained it in a way that makes sense, which was basically......'I mean, do YOU sleep with people you work with?'"
Me: "HAHAHAHAHA! It's like that expression...which one...'don't take a shit'...something. Or like, don't bite the hand that feeds you?"
Boris: "No, no, it's 'don't shit where you eat.'"
Me: "That's the one!"

Moments in which you love the universe

2009-02-26T21:21:22Z

1. I was talking to Dave about how I love picking up Boris' mannerisms and love when he recognizes that he's picked up mine. I said, "What was it...recently, he totally picked up one of my phrases that didn't catch on at Tufts...WHAT WAS IT? It wasn't 'which, blah blah blah'....something to do with food..."

After a while, as Dave knew I would, I called Boris to see if he could figure it out.

Me: "Okay, you know how sometimes you and I pick up random phrases and mannerisms from one another? What is like a recent one you've gotten from me? It's not 'Which, blah blah blah'."
Boris: "...oh, you know what it is? I know what it is. It's...fucking...'with a side of.'"
Me: "YES! YESSSSS! Like, adjective with a side of same adjective."
Boris: "Except I now use it with different adjectives and non-adjectives."
Me: "Yeah, like, 'It was AMAZING, with a side of...NO.' Like that."

2. me: do you want to hear something ridiculous
so
there's this guy in my choir whose name is Speed Franklin
like his given name is Speed
on his birth certificate
and Boris realized
that if he went to Russia
his name would be
2:23 AM
СПИДlike
AIDS
like Judy
like his name in Russian
is AIDS
in English it's Speed
and in Russian
his name is AIDS
i'm like dying
Judith: HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
me: and
wait for it
HE'S GAY.
i just snorted
Judith: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA NO THAT IS UNFAIR
me: i cannot wait to tell him
Speed
you cannot go to Russia
because
2:24 AM you are gay and your name is AIDS in Russia
like you're just asking for a hate crime, Speed
because people will be able to tell you're gay
and your name is AIDS
they'll think they're helping out public health
2:26 AM СПИД
Judith: i .. can't believe that's real

3. Anything involving Hena in the last few days. "Squirt, nothing, tool." Andrei sadly jerking off in the corner.

4. When Phil tried to distract me with a cute boy and it ended up being Pat.

5. Jayson tried to extricate himself from this IM conversation like 5 times by saying "okay gotta get back to work," and I'd always come up with something else to say that would make him stay. Finally -

me: oof, but the vindicated thing kills
5:13 PM it's like when i lead people to the wrong arts haus
OKAY ENOUGH i'm sorry
you are like some kind of conversational black hole
juppal: haha is there more than one?
some would say the same of you
me: constantly pulling words out of me
i'm like a conversational geyser
no, i just thought it was arts haus
and it was totally not
juppal: best analogy yet
me: it was the art history department
5:14 PM why thank you
juppal: close
me: :bows:
no it wasn't
the art history dept is by sophia
arts haus is on sawyer
and i was like "Guys. come on. I'm a senior, I THINK I know where arts haus is."
juppal: they are both art related
me: haha you're way too nice to me
you're trying to make it better
juppal: art can be interpreted in many ways
me: i don't think it can be made better
HAHAHAHAHAH!
HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
5:15 PM well dooooone
juppal: yes yes I will now take my bow
me: this is like
juppal: and with that I exit
me: conversational mutual masturbation
and I think THAT is the best analogy
and also, that's what she said
juppal: hahahaha! an even better analogy
me: :-D
yay us!
juppal: wow two in one!
me: LOL
ALSO
a that's what she said
i'm like dying
of laughter
5:16 PM wheeeew
juppal: wow ok my brain is about to explode
me: i guess this was
juppal: and now I must go read about autoregressive integrated moving average time series
me: mindblowing conversational mutual masturbation
juppal: it really has
5:17 PM me: i must go back to reading about the effective tax rate on energy investment
remind me why i'm majoring in this
and not sexual humor
juppal: I can't actually think of anything sexual
unfortunately
me: Dear Tufts,
5:18 PM I would like to create a new major
Core Requirements:
Sexual Humor 001: That's What She Said
juppal: send that to bacow
on a nice letter head
me: 002: Innuendo
juppal: oh my god
me: (letter HEAD?) <---
juppal: IM LEAVING
bye :)

6. me: Natasha, I'm going crazy
can i tell you a secret
i kind of wish i wasn't going home this weekend
Tufts is pretty amazing right now
natashakicksass: whyyy
well!
i'm coming to visit you the weekend after!
me: b/c i realized this is my last semester
and like
every weekend i spend at home
is a weekend i don't spend here
and then that's it!
3:34 PM i will have no more chances to hang out with cool tufts people
to go party hopping
like think about it
how many weekends do i have left at tufts?
it's like TEN or something!
natashakicksass: aw, well you don't have to come home if you don't want to.. but i think daddy is planning a fam get together for sunday that's the only thing
natashakicksass: the only thing isssssssssss your blackberry awaits
me: well not the ONLY thing
i like you and mommy and daddy and andrew too you know
yeah!
natashakicksass: and BABUSHKA
JEEZ RENEE
me: well i mean everyone
LarissaBeckyJeffrey
OlyaSashaJamieMichael
natashakicksass: hahaha
me: (i'm like Andrew when Grandma taught him our family members a few years ago)
natashakicksass: i hope you just sang that to the russian name song because i did
3:37 PM me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
natashakicksass: na na na na ee karina
me: sveta valia lalia nina
yulia vika josefina
natashakicksass: lol i just made that up
me: lmfao
no karina's there
raya zaya i karina
natashakicksass: there ya go!
me: lmao
11:24 PM DUDE
i have to share something with you
i know you'll understand
this morning i got up
11:25 PM and i grabbed the underwear that was on the top of my pile
it was white, see through and lacy
and i'm about to put it on
and then i'm like
"Wait. I haven't gotten my period in a while, and it's still irregular. Putting on white, lacy, see through underwear? is just ASKING for it."
natashakicksass: HAHAH
me: wait
WAIT
natashakicksass: tell me you got it
me: so then
i take the other ones
Responds Well to Compliments
natashakicksass: that shit ALWAYS happens to me
11:26 PM ohhh smart@
me: and in the middle of choir i totally fucking got it
natashakicksass: HAHAHHA
me: do you SEE how i pre-empted that shit?
it was like
natashakicksass: thats my girl
me: Dear God,
I WIN!
Sincerely, Renee
natashakicksass: hahahahaha i love you renee
me: I LOVE YOU TOO
and when we have blackberries we can talk alllll the time
lol
also i realized
that
i totally have skype
and i left one of my webcams at home
11:27 PM so we can theoretically have video skype chats sometime
natashakicksass: i dont even know what that means
me: LOL
natashakicksass: come on renee you know im technologically challenged
me: lmfao
11:28 PM skype is what mommy uses to "talk to Russia"
when she's "on the phone with Russia"
hahahahahahaha

Thank you, universe!

Overheard at Fletcher

2008-11-18T14:52:31Z

LOL.

Fletcher student: "So I was on the bus today, and Aaron is like, 'Hillary Clinton SecState?' Right?...But I heard, Hillary Clinton SEX TAPE? So Aaron's all, 'Yeah, Drudge just broke it, yeah, it's great because now it'll keep her quiet.' And then he turns to me and is like, 'Dude, what do you think?' And I'm just like...'That's...DISGUSTING!'"

The face of shocked revulsion really sealed this one.

Back to international finance!

Updatingly yours,
Luseeya

P.S. I'm not sure the Luseeya signoff even works anymore. I don't think Ken even calls me that. More recent nicknames are "Naynay" (managers), "sis" (Jonah, haha!), and probably my favorite, "CFB" (UAE people), which sometimes devolves into CMFMFMFB. And I won't sicken you with all the ridiculous things Derek calls me :)

haha...oh, that's rich, America!

2008-08-04T15:36:55Z

In the true nature of the post-fucking-everything generation, I can't help but view this election with general amusement and bafflement. Like - really? There are REALLY that many people professing to love the candidate, or the party, or hate the other guy/party? I think it's so much more fascinating to analyze the analysts.

I've had a lot of time this summer to dick around on the computer, and have read a bunch of online newspapers and blogs and such. And I find it so ridiculous that people are so opinionated about this election - HOW? How can you have such strong opinions, when all the information we're being given is totally colored by someone's agenda, spun into oblivion, and handed to you in a vacuum-sealed wrapper?

I'm an independent, and fucking proud of it, because I think it's possible to be interested in politics while acknowledging the high level of bullshit involved.

The first thing that had me shaking my head at the election was the bizarre primary season, in which I watched a handful of experienced Democratic candidates get chucked by the wayside to herald the coming of Better-Selling Newspapers, in the form of the first female and black candidates. Did anyone even know there was a Biden campaign?

On the Republican side - and believe me, I sympathize in many ways with the conservative ideology, but not the party of creationism in public schools - at least voters caught wise to Romney's choking fakeness. When asked, Why is it that as governor of Mass, you supported abortion and opposed the death penalty, and now espouse the opposing views?, he just launched into a cartoonish "grateful" speech in which he managed to thank his family, The American People, and not even attempt to answer the question. I know it's standard practice, but really, do we have such a short attention span that we forgot that there was a question he was supposed to be answering? Were people really taken in by his smarm?

The youtube debates were capable of inducing mass suicides. One of the questions was, "How many guns do you own, and which one is your favorite?" REALLY, Republicans? Actually, I'd like to know the answer, so I can promptly choose the favorite one and shoot myself in the stomach with it.

Of course, this anecdote revealed some interesting spin issues. My parents said, "You don't know what you're talking about. That debate was on CNN, a famously liberal media outlet, which probably put in those questions for exactly that reason, to make Republicans look stupid." I repeated this to Steve, who worked for the Edwards campaign. His response was some variant of - "Really? Because I think that the 'liberal media' is still owned by conservative businessmen, who purposely didn't cover the campaigns of Edwards, Biden, Richardson and Dodd. They wanted to advertise and promote the two most polarizing figures, Hillary and Obama, in order to make a Democratic win as tough as possible."

Whom to believe? There's no way of knowing. Both views are likely wrong. which is why, yet again, I have no idea why people are so quick to jump on ANY political bandwagon.

Next it became apparent that the media is in some desperate times. I mean really, how many fake uproars can they manufacture before people get wise that none of this shit really matters? I found it hilarious when every sunk their claws into some comments Obama made, and all of a sudden we had a new "fiasco" onto which we could tack a "-gate" suffix: "Bittergate." (joining the company of such stars as "Nipplegate".)The pundits were railing! they were fired up! they were convinced that Obama was finished, that voters would recoil and angrily rally to the sides of McCain!.......oh wait. NOTHING HAPPENED. No one cared.

Now maybe you've all noticed the hilarious game of "Which campaign can disown these remarks faster?" race. Round One: Wesley Clark is asked about whether or not Obama has the military chops to be commander-in-chief. When he responds in the affirmative, the interviewer presses on that John McCain flew a plane and was shot down! Clark countered that flying a plane and getting shot down does not qualify one to be president. That's it! All hell breaks loose! General Wesley Clark was seriously denigrating McCain's military service! We demand an apology for this disrespect! Obama quickly stepped up to the plate and delivered the severance. Round Two: Phil Gramm says that America is a nation of whiners and that our economic hardships are in our heads. Pandemonium! Apocalypse! This was the guy, after all, who McCain supported for a presidental bid over a decade ago! What, you didn't know that, Mr. Louie Jones of Nebraska? I mean, don't you think this says a lot about McCain, since OBVIOUSLY he was planning on making Gramm his Secretary of Treasury? McCain scored extra points for a humorous put-down, saying that Phil Gramm probably had a spot in the McCain administration, as the ambassador to Belarus. (Belarus is pissed! Pissed, I tell you! They don't want to deal with no America-hatin' banker! Uproar! Catastrophe!) Most recently, Jesse Jackson announced his desire to cut Obama's balls off. Oh, and then there was the New Yorker cover where coastal Americans were terrified that them rednecks in flyover country might not be too keen on the whole, irony thing. I mean, they're...they're UNEDUCATED, right? And racist? What if they look at the cover and really think Obama wears a turban in the privacy of his own home?!?!?! THE HORROR! GODDAMN YOU NEW YORKER AND YOUR CHEEKY WIT!

I mean, really. It's just pitiful, how starved these 24-hour news networks are for actual stories. Everything's a calamity that will surely give us volumes of information that need to be interpreted 24/7, because it HAS to be. When it's not. Yet then they wonder why the predictions aren't matching up with the polls. Who really gives a shit?

The Veep speculation is similarly pathetic. People need to focus on the fact that hey, our country actually has some problems. Is the fact that Romney's dad was governor of Michigan a bazillion years ago REALLY going to influence the people in the Detroit polls? How are we even supposed to know what we're voting on if the dialogue is about motherfucking flag pins?

And how about the public outcry that the liberal savior Obama has "all of a sudden" dashed to the center? I really love Gail Collins' column when she was like, "um....what Obama are YOU talking about? The Obama I know was always kind of vague about everything, and never really talked about specific policies. Why are you shocked that he's articulating his policy positions now and they don't match up to your pedestal image of him?" People say, oh, but he's such an inspirational speaker, talking about bridging the partisan gap! And then other people respond with what they think is a witty, "You know who else was a great orator? HITLER." and continue spreading the word that Obama's just a demagogue.

It's especially funny because this election is viewed as revolutionary, that people are swarming into political activism and the names Obama and McCain are on everyone's tongues. And yet I'm just really not inspired by either of the candidates. Neither party really matches my stance on the issues, and neither character is particularly compelling to me. I honestly have no idea for whom I'll vote in November. I still feel as though I really don't have enough information to pass judgment either way.

I care about the economy; employment is looming ever-nearer, and it is going to SUCK to have to enter such a shitty job market. But whose plan for the economy is better? Will McCain do more of the same shitty Bush economic "management," or will Obama's tax-raising be more destructive? I care about energy, obviously. McCain was transparent enough to support the idiocy of the gas-tax holiday, and I'm glad that Obama is making a distinction between offshore drilling as a quick fix to gas prices vs. a piece of a desperately-needed long-term energy strategy.

But what does that even come to? It's so difficult for me to believe that either of these men will be a transformative figure that puts all their words into actions. They have entire administration that will be the architects of the nation's agenda. Why does McCain's lack of economic awareness matter if he takes on the best economists? Why does Obama's lack of military service matter if it's the generals who will make all the decisions?

And most of all: Why am I even writing about this stuff, if my two possible voting arenas (New Jersey and Massachusetts) are going to go blue regardless of how I cast my vote? Why aren't we talking about dumbly the American political system is structured, such that every single fucking election hinges on Ohio and Florida?

It boggles the mind. But I guess my POV should be put out there, so that years from now, when political strategists are trying to figure out how to play into the minds of the young independents, they can maybe get a clue.

Politically yours,
Shenoodle.

I love Catchphrase

2008-07-26T06:46:35Z

Judy and I were on the way home from Suburban, with Tal lying on the backseat from exhaustion. Tal had spent most of the diner run in various states of unconsciousness, surfacing only to ask Dan/Mike/Ken/Kamil where he could find some bitches. Somewhere around the Midland Ave overpass, I notice that there is some really weird fart smell filling up the car.

Me: "That is some serious fartage."
Judy: "Oh god! Tal!"
Tal: (laughing)

Judy rolls down the window, as I'm commenting that this is an interesting, multifaceted example of a fart, at which point our noses are filled not with the peculiar assplosion but with the odor of skunk.

Judy and I are like, "SKUNK!!"
And Tal says: "Bitches come to me."

That was so unbelievably brilliant, it deserved an LJ entry on its own.

The promised UAE funnies

2008-02-26T20:10:46Z

Most people won't get these, but whatever, I just want to preserve them since I went to the trouble of writing them all down :)

- After Jared decided to have both cough syrup and whiskey on the plane, hecame up with this brilliance: "I just put that...all, in my head, together."
- Me: "The Sultan of Brunei..."
Jayson: "He's rich."
- "I think if you get good at it, you can get it out really quickly," said Jayson, making what can ONLY be described as handjob motions, whilst talking about milking cows. That shit is gold, man.
- On the McMosques: "Those windows aren't even real." (I think Jaredsaid this)
- Jayson: "That building is all gold."
Jared:"If you rub it, Robin Williams comes out the top." (Guys, I'm like cracking up all over again as I'm typing)
- Jayson: (opens van curtains) "Oh!...Wow!....Really opens up the room!"
- Jared: "Jesse FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILM"
- Jayson on Wes(t?): "He was like, just, just TAKE it, take it all, just HAVE it."
- Jayson: "It was horrible, I had to wear boxers and a Santa hat."
- Jayson convincing Daniel that Dr. Atkins had gone into real estate development...Daniel: "Isn't he dead??"
- Jesse's all-kinds-of-horrifying "Aftershocks" comment
- "You're a crazy bitch!" --Jared
- Now, I'm not sure what this one pertains to actually...I think it was when we were in line for a cab outside the mall - "Jews died in the holocaust"
- "What do you think the guy on the mosque loudspeaker was so angry about? 'I could use a sandwich!!!!'"
- Arab Rodriguez
- Mrs. Alex Rodriguez
- Dave Mou is Mr. Rodriguez
- the entire debate over guys facebook friending one another
- Poor Duke of York, had to fly all the way here while his bro got to take the 'hologram' highway
- Prince Charles quoting the Tempest: "Leave not a carbon footprint behind."
- "This is what my orgasm is. This is what an orgasm feels like." --Jared, thankfully talking about the exhibition
- Renee: large and in charge. The CFB progression: CFB --> HRH CFB --> CFFB --> CFMFB --> CMFMFB --> CMPMFMFB
- "Don't take this the wrong way, Renee, but...what do you DO when you're alone?...do you take out a mirror and practice your stories?" --Jesse
- Me: "My god, I look like I was fucked badly!"
Phil: "I think you'd look worse if you had been fucked properly."
- The Jared/Jayson/Jesse/Tim show: Dave and I watch, and Jayson strips; Arab Rodriguez, the crazy neighbor, only appears when Jared has just left...riding in on a camel; Molly the ferret;1800s Sundays; Jesse brings in something crazy and no one knows what to do with it.
- I have no idea why I wrote this, but: "Indian turbines"
- IPCC guy: "Energy efficiency is ignored b/c it's so boring and unsexy. It was good to hear the U.S. Secretary of Energy prioritize it. WOULDN'T...THAT....BE SOMETHING." Awesome.
- bleeding christmas tree...and how Alex remembered it during the panels and started laughing all over again...if you weren't there for this one, I don't think I could comfortably repeat it.

Obscurely yours,
Luseeya

I love laughing

2008-01-29T04:58:01Z

Me: "Are you okay?"
Jayson: "What? Yeah."
Me: "You just looked like you were on the verge of tears."
Jayson: "Yeah, I'm so sad...I missed my period."

At some point, when I have my little pretentious Moleskine back in my possession, I'll write up the myriad sources of sidesplitting laughter that stole my breath during the UAE trip. And oh, how many there were.

Snortingly yours,
Luseeya

The culmination of this semester, basically

2007-12-11T03:28:24Z

Wow - the hilarity of this situation does not escape me. Tonight was basically the PERFECT thing to sum up Fall semester, '07.

Tonight was Naked Quad Run. I have a 15-page paper to write for my Fletcher class, b/c Fletcher's last day of classes is tomorrow. I went to the Fletcher library to do the paper, and at around 9 40 I get a call from Derek asking if I want to run with him.

Thanks to my enormous, all-covering coat, I disrobed in one of the Fletcher bathrooms and put my coat on on top, then walked out, completely naked underneath. I met Derek, left the coat by one of the Fletcher entrances, and proceeded to do my lap around the Res Quad. Upon returning to our stuff, I put my coat back on, kissed Derek, and walked right back into Fletcher, naked under the coat like some creepy flasher, and walked through the grad school I'm applying to, back to my stuff, to change and get back to work on my paper. Both at the NQR and in the library, I saw one of my EPIIC TAs. TALK ABOUT AWKWARD.

I think that's the most apt way to encapsulate this semester. Go be naked for a minute, because that's all you have before your ridiculous workload. WooHOOOOOOOOO!

All-business yours,
Luseeya

I <3 Good People

2007-10-12T01:37:47Z

So I just wanted to make an entry in tribute to Omas, because he constantly finds new ways to amaze us all by just being a nice person.

Yesterday I was really upset at the dearth of cool people and Derek. Tonight I'm walking up by the campus center with a girly umbrella, and I see Omas. I was like, "Hey!!" And he STOPS in his tracks, and grins, and goes "Oh, my, god," and then gives me a big hug (literally. he's like...6'4 or something? probably?).

Me: "Omas, you're always so happy to see me!"
Omas: "That's because it's a goddamn miracle that I'm seeing you. How ARE you?"
Me: "I'm great! How are you?"
Omas: "I'm EXHAUSTED. Living off campus..."
Then I asked where he lived, and it turns out it's not so far from me. At which point he goes, "By the way, I'm really sorry I didn't make it to your housewarming party." Which is just such a nice thing to say! I told him that it was really last minute, and before I could even say that it was busted by TUPD, he was like "I'm probably going to have a party in a few weeks, you should definitely come, check out the house..."
Me: "Yeah, that'd be great!"
Omas: "Yeah, we just...gotta figure out a living arrangement for senior year where we're all near each other."
Me: "Yeah, like...a corner of South Hall all to ourselves?"
And then he had to go. But it left me in such a good mood. Seriously, how much general coolness can a person fit into one interaction? I like it when people surprise me by continuing to be cool. And by for some reason continuing to like me for extended periods of time. I got to Eaton and repeated the whole exchange to Derek, who just broke out smiling in memory of our long pop-culture-driven conversations with Omas. He was jealous b/c he never sees Omas either. LOL. But anyway, I just think it's rare that someone so overtly communicates how much they like you. Although Dan the RA did it the other day too :)

Appreciatively yours,
Luseeya

A not-so-epic EPIIC entry

2007-10-04T17:24:56Z

I just wanted to post right now that I'm loving EPIIC, to remind myself later down the road (when I'll probably hate it) that once upon a time it made me happy. The Outward Bound trip made it so easy to make friends and laugh while discussing corporate corruption and global poverty. Hearing what everyone has done in their lives was really inspiring and made me happy that everyone would learn this new information about global poverty and process it from their own unique perspective. But it's not just that - it's like this connection that's been formed. When a random EPIICer came into Eaton and saw me working, she just stopped to say Hi, b/c she knew my name, and we talked for a bit about the readings. It felt cool, though, b/c we hadn't spoken prior to this exchange, but nothing was stopping us from starting a conversation, because we are joined by the bonds of EPIIChood. I love the network with the EPIIC alumni, and how we can talk to people who are working in the field about what they're doing. I love getting daily emails of relevant articles, and learning random things about Eritrean economic policy from them. I like that there's SO much crossover between this class and everything else I'm learning. And the fact that there's an EPIIC party tonight. That someone knew I was interested in energy, and when they found a microfinance organization in India that deals with investing in clean energy for the poor, emailed me the link and suggested that that could be a possible winter research destination. So many connections, based on interests both academic and non-. Bouncing ideas off one another and refining thoughts and research topics and not feeling like a nerd, because everyone there is here to learn and to put what we've learned into practice someday soon.

But of course, I say all this before I've gone to a single committee meeting or review session, so I guess EPIIC hasn't started to eat my life as much. I've also not gotten grades back from the other classes that I'm TOTALLY neglecting in favor of EPIIC. SOOOOO maybe my mouth will be shut sometime in the near future.

Nonstop-ly yours,
Luseeya

A nice night!

2007-08-19T08:19:22Z

I'm misspelling the teachers' names on purpose to avoid Googling issues.

Judy: Wait, if we're going in Renee's car, why did I bring my iPod?
Me: I have a tape converter, we can still listen to it.
Boris: Unless Renee doesn't like your music, in which case she'll put in one of twelve HUNDRED choir CDs that all sound exactly like this -
(he covers his mouth with his hands and puts on a hilarious falsetto)
Boris: DEUS!....DEUS!......Deeeeee-uuuuuus!

Me: Does Snahyers still have that, like, PMS Club, where girls got together once a week to talk about how much they hated their lives?
Cheech: (gasping from laughter) Teen....Issues?.....Today's?.....Issues?
Me: Yeah, that's right! Today's Issues. And another reason Snahyers hated all the high school girls is because no one in Glen Rock is fat, but Snahyers weighed like 185 pounds in high school. No, I remember, she was given the lead in the play but was told to lose like 90 pounds for it.
Cheech: She hates the girls, but she has a boner for all the freshman boys!

And then I found out that the do-nothing librarian makes 102,000 per year. Ben Prawer said that they tried to see if the librarian, Miss Feeokee, would do anything in the face of mischief, so Rohan went up to the electric stapler and put 100 staples into a piece of paper, and she did nothing.

Me: Ms. Deetch was a stripper.
Cheech: NO SHE WAS NOT!
Ben: Ms. Deetch once told me that she's really bad with names, and decided to name all the men in her life John. She was like, "My husband's name is John, and my three sons are named John."

Birenbaum, out.
I love my brother and my grandma. I just walked into my house at 4:12 A.M., and the light is on in the family room. I'm thinking my sister is making out with her non-boyfriend into the wee hours of the morning. But no. Andrew and Grandma have ALREADY GOTTEN UP FOR THE DAY. And are watching adult swim.

WOW!

2007-08-01T18:36:11Z

Oh my god, that is SO WEIRD. I was seized by an urge to make a RANDOM, HODGEPODGE entry...and when I logged in to post, it said my LJ was last updated 52 weeks ago. a whole YEAR! I have awesome timing.

I just have a few announcements to make.

The love of my life is named Derek Anthony Ricciuto. Almost a year and a half now!

I would like to thank Andrei for creating a party where a tigger hat, butterfly wings and red thermal underwear are acceptable attire. Fuckin awesome.

My brother Andrew is a five year old AND a genius. Lately I've been thinking about how part of my Harry Potter experience has been waiting endlessly for it, and rereading, and theorizing. But when Andrew picks up Sorcerer's Stone, nothing will stop him from just reading it straight through. I've been thinking, Will there be something for him, when he's a teenager, to take up a chunk of his life? (And the answer is...YES, because Boris and I are writing an AWESOME book. And I have another one in the works. So YEAH! you MARK MY WORDS!.......er, right. so.) But we're throwing around the idea that when we actually finish our book, we might start posting one chapter at a time (maybe every two weeks?) as like, an ongoing internet book. Hopefully we could build up a following as people want to tune in for the next installment! Then a publisher would want to sign us, and we'd delete it from the website. How's that sound?

This year at college, I'm both excited and apprehensive for. It's going to be really different, but I'm also filling up my time with hopefully interesting pursuits. I'm cutting out the negative SHIT from my life and adding some good. It's going to be hard since some of the constant presences are going to be all over the place - Europe, Asia, Africa, South America. Leaving us with gaping holes at Tufts where they should be. And I'm used to living, not just in the same dorm as, but NEXT DOOR TO Derek. Now he's going to be in his own apartment - granted, it's SUPER close, but still. I'm still dealing with the goddamn gluten thing. My parents recently decided to not pay for as much, so I have to work in addition to EPIIC and a graduate course on International Environmental Policy at Fletcher. I'm thinking seriously about maybe doing a research trip abroad over winter break, but I need ideas. The theme would probably stem around Global Poverty. Let me know if you've got some AWESOME POVERTY IDEAS!

I'm still devastated and can't quite process the loss of Dave Rawson.

I'm glad I still talk to a bunch of people from high school, even though I don't see them very often. Dan, Ken and Garry in particular, I'm sending some love your way right now. Esp. since...you're PROBABLY the only peopole reading this, lol. It was funny when Garry asked how we felt about having a five-year reunion...everyone was just kind of like "um...we all still...see each other all the time." I was thinking about it, and you know, five years MIGHT work because right now most of us come live at home during the holidays, but once college is over and we move out it might be different. I'm sad I only met Ray, a bona fide Awesome Glen Rockian, this year, and now he's going to college and moving down the shore, like who the hell DOES that? lol. I'm having a truly amazing, rejuvenating summer, due in part to Derek visiting, seeing some Tufts people like Josh, John and Jonah - but mostly because of Judy, Katya and especially Boris. (Honorable mentions go to Tal and Andrei. You pussies, stop crying that you're not first place. Dude I don't even know whom I'm addressing, NEITHER of them read this.)

I want to give some thanks to Kamil, because for some reason he's the only person who pretty consistently told me to write an LJ entry. And now i AM! It's cool because only recently have I felt like I got some of the Renee-oomph back. The last few months of sophomore year were draining as hell, not just on my energy but on my personality. I felt like I was not funny anymore, at all, despite Derek, Jonah, Isaac, Vinh, Josh, Stephie and Dan(thera)'s best efforts to convince me otherwise.

But I totally am! Yesterday at Andrei's I made people laugh all the time (not just because they were drunk either). It felt damn GOOD.

I was telling Boris about the freshman herds at Tufts. Do you guys have them at your colleges, or is it a Tufts-specific thing? During Orientation, before, like, ANY upperclassmen get back to campus, the wide-eyed freshmen, introduced into a new habitat, try to test out their new freedom by attempting to locate what we in the Tufts parts call a "party". This amuses the observer (me) because barely any alcohol-toting upperclassman have moved back in yet, and if they do, they just get together with their few friends who came early. The freshmen band together in a herd and venture out into their unfamiliar surroundings, looking at the scary nameless buildings as they fix their slutty-sparkly shirts and pop their collars. They laugh nervously as they make tentative comments, and eventually when they come to a suburban intersection, they see another herd coming their way. At this point the herds merge in a process similar to reverse-mitosis, coming together in a jumble of awkward handshakes and questions about names and hometowns. The herd grows exponentially as they meander along the sidewalks, asking each other if ATO is open (NO!) or if they think they could get into a house party on Winthrop (ALSO NO!). A flurry of cell phones appears as hopeful freshmen within the herd text people they met for the first time today, trying to casually see if there are any parties happening. The one person who gets a tentative hit is about to announce the prospect of the "party", but then remembers that there is no way in hell the 30 people will all be let in. No way. The freshmen with the foresight to pregame are no longer feeling the buzz. Eventually the herd disperses, dejected, and goes back to the dorm to play more ridiculous Icebreakers.

I have discovered that I fucking love Bravo, from Project Runway to Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D-List. I know it's gay man television, but I am secretly a gay man. Derek knows and is okay with that. Weeds is also amazing, partic. if you call yourself a Glen Rock resident.

I was sprinting through Port Authority like a crazy bag lady trying to make a bus, and some thugged-out less-than-literate Puerto Rican kid calls out to me. I turn and, still walk backwards, ask what he wants. He looks terrified as he delivers the following statement: "My friend...he and I...we, we see you and...we...discover...that...you are BEAUTIFUL." Wow. They made a DISCOVERY! Like, in an archaeological dig, they uncovered the many and varied layers of UGLY on my face and saw that, underneath, she is BEAUTIFUL! Besides, he was hitting on me - by just informing me that I was beautiful - when I was SPRINTING THROUGH PORT AUTHORITY. Like, come on, Mexican. Is this really the time?

I made my own discovery, though. Jokes are no longer funny unless they have an offensive component. I have therefore adopted fake racism in a way that evokes Madonna adopting that kid from Malawi. The other day Boris found some cookies in my pantry and started eating them. I said, "How are they?" He said, "They're okay. But I think...that they're comparable in age...to ANDREW." I thought that was really funny phrasing and wanted to share. Boris is basically the funniest, most amazing friend I could ask for, by the way. In case you had any doubts. I think I laughed the hardest I've ever laughed in my LIFE on the day that Boris drove into Columbia with me and made fun of the childhood game I played in Russian class. I had tears in my eyes so thick that I could barely see, I could not breathe, and could only beg him to stop with whatever breath I had because I was convinced I'd crash into the divider. Days later I would remember his inflection when making fun of the game and laugh myself into tears again. Andrei thought that the anatomically-correct word for "penis" in Russian was PEESYOOLYA. I'm glad he's going to be in Boston - I'm looking forward to having a good enough friend in the Boston area whom I can visit, or who can visit me, the way people at Tufts always go see their Harvard, MIT, BC and BU friends. I really want to go to SIPA. I hope that happens.

I'm not doing nearly enough world-saving. You would do well to remind me of this any time you see me. Maybe I should get a cape, to remind me always that I am a potential world-saver.

I'm stopping this before any more random ideas pop into my head!

Cobbled-together-ly yours,
Luseeya

Something that doesn't justify a year-long absence

2006-08-01T17:42:49Z

I fainted today. Or at least, my mother insists that I fainted. I didn't ACTUALLY lose consciousness. If that was fainting, then fainting and passing-out-because-you-saw-a-snake/worm-and-have-a-snake/worm-phobia are two totally different things. It would appear that fainting SUCKS a lot more, and involves a really unpleasant sensation, instead of just blacking out. I was so fucked up, I felt like I was on acid or something because my entire body was tingling this fresh, cool feeling, and all these crazy lights were a-flashin, and I didn't even realize that I had lost my balance, stumbled completely across the bathroom, and when I hit my head against the wall I was already halfway down to the lovely white tile that greeted me warmly (read: COLDLY.) When I opened my eyes again, I was actually curled up in a cannonball in the TINY nook between the toilet and the wall! How the fuck did I get there? Good thing I'm tiny, otherwise it'd have been a nosedive into the commode.

I think Tufts is doing a really good job as far as admissions. Some of my Orientation groupies have replied to my welcoming emails listing their interests and such, and so far they've not only been really cool and funny, but I've found like five things in common with them from the get-go. Anything from favorite bands (Death Cab!!!!) to an interest in skiing, singing, etc.

Ugh, you know what sucks about doing an update after, like...vanishing from the face of Livejournal? (Besides the fact that they added all these nifty updates that I'm not yet used to?) That now I have to FILL YOU IN ON EVERY FUCKING THING. How am I supposed to adequately cover Derek in only one entry that I'm only making because I need a break from this problem set? I'm not going to recap my Europe/Israel trip the way I used to do weeks at camp (because those went on FOR FUCKING EVER) because I'd also have to talk about my parents and other family, college and college friends, changing relationships and outlooks on life, and PLEASE. No one is going to read that monstrously long entry. Right now I'm not focused on drawn-out analyses of life, I'm thinking instead about immediate things, like whether or not Isaac is coming back to Tufts this semester, how to fix this health problem that some say is an immune deficiency and others say are migraines, getting the splinter out of Andrew's foot, figuring out when Derek is going to visit next. I'm too busy watching Project Runway and reading ASOIAF forums like the super-nerd I am. I'd rather make observations on things like the crazy, possibly-Tourette's-suffering lady on Broadway that was screaming "THEY WENT TO THE DAYCARE AND SPRAYED THAT SHIT INTO MY DAUGHTER'S PUSSY!!!!!!!!!" or something.

Yesterday I had an endless conversation with Boris about his future and shit he needs to do to get into college, and when I was showing him what an activities sheet is supposed to look like, he asked to read my college essays. I read over my Georgetown essay and realized that even though I may not have answered the question in the best way, it's a FUCKING AMAZING ESSAY! Like, rereading it, I was so proud that all those funny phrases were mine. Here, I'll post it, just for laughs, and Glen Rock High School students/graduates can guess the real identity of Lou Swanson in a comment:

“So, Lou. What do you think is the most important current global issue?”

Lou Swanson screwed up his face and the words that tumbled out were, “That Bush is a moron.”

I paused as I realized that he was far from the first person to cite our president’s alleged intellectual shortcomings as the most pressing issue facing the planet. Mrs. Walters’ latest Making Government Come ALIVE! ALIVE, I Tell You, ALIVE! Assignment was originally intended to give us an idea of the hardships of political polling, but as Lou was my thirtieth interviewee of the day, I learned that Glen Rock High School’s senior class was in desperate need of a newspaper subscription.

Polling my classmates about their current events views made me realize that ignorance and apathy have swollen to epidemic proportions as much as obesity, no pun intended. In asking around for the biggest global problem, it hit me that “I don’t know” and “I don’t care” needed to be addressed soon after “I don’t have food”.

So as I sat staring at Lou, all I could think of was the article I had read in my daily USA Today about a newspaper in Chile that was “revolutionizing journalism” by apparently allowing readers to choose what stories they want covered. During a big world trade conference, readers ignored the summaries of the summit, instead preferring to read about what Colin Powell had for lunch (shrimp with couscous, in case you’re wondering). The article ended with a hotel clerk’s truly classic quote: “Sure, this stuff is important,” he said. “But do I have to read about it?” And yet this aversion to awareness may not be termed “bliss” thirty years from now. Ignorance of current events could soon become ignorance of one’s own rights, and the very thought of citizens not knowing what they are entitled to under their government sends shivers down my spine.

The world simply cannot force people to care; we can drop pamphlets from planes, use celebrities and concerts to stir voter concern, but really the only thing that has the potential to inform the masses is the aptly named mass media. How can we utilize the media, though, now that it is less concerned with bringing the public up to date and more focused on selling itself? In America we cannot impose upon the freedom of the press – ACLU would have an apoplectic fit. Likewise, we certainly cannot coerce businesses into making sure their employees are up-to-date with the news. Can you imagine a corporate executive promising a pay-raise to The Most Globally Aware worker?

So, how to convince people that the troubles of the Cote D’Ivoire are more interesting than the latest Reality TV monstrosity? A viable solution would be for the media to dramatize the various issues, make them more interesting, so people won’t have only Monday Night Football for entertainment. Because the situation in the Ukraine really is fascinating and revolutionary, but it is portrayed as an everyday occurrence in those Eastern European countries of whom barely anyone in America has ever heard. There should be a way to humanize these stories without compromising journalistic integrity. The burden falls on the shoulders of the media; let us hope they do not shrug it off.

Anyway, as Boris read this and laughed at all the right times, I naturally thought about how of COURSE he'd think it's funny, he's ME. And I agree that it's not the best admissions essay, but I think in general people would enjoy reading something like that. Unfortunately, I was astounded also by how I haven't written anything like that lately. I have no clue why. It was compounded by a dream I had last night - Boris and I were taking some writing course, and the professor said "you have thirty minutes to write something that you feel encompasses you as a person and a writer, that best represents your high school experience." (that's gotta be related to the way Heidi Klum present Project Runway challenges, but whatever). I drew a blank, in the dream. Instead of writing down new fun phrases, I just thought about how at one point, I already DID do that. I have tons of LJ entries and short stories - which one best exemplifies high school for me? So I went onto my laptop and actually started opening all sorts of files, trying to find the version that was edited correctly, and kept thinking that this isn't good enough. And yet I couldn't just START writing it! At the very end, when time was up, I was like, oh YEAH! that story I wrote about Ginny, that I submitted to Mobius, which had all those really nice phrases...oh wait...that's the one that Katya read and said, "Wow, it's so good!......wait.....did anything actually HAPPEN?"

Choose to extrapolate from this what you will; but I have a feeling that if I really want to write this book, the best thing I can do is go back to the roots, to the real events that made me write these LJ entries in the first place, and just change some names or whatever and revamp them.

I have no idea why I wrote all that out, maybe to serve as a reminder every time I turn to my LJ to get my ass in gear and write? That I'm capable of it?

I'm going to go finish my problem set and ignore this asshole who's IMing me that I have no wish to talk to. Yes. I'm talking about YOU. lol.

Love,
Renee

bluirinka @ 2006-05-18T21:35:00

2006-05-19T01:41:20Z

I'd like to complain about something and since NO ONE IS TALKING TO ME EXCEPT DEREK AND I AM TRAPPED WITHIN THE WALLS OF 16 HEROLD DRIVE this seems the only place to do it.

Guys generally enjoy when girls have breasts, right?

Well then WHY DOES EVERY STORE WITH NICE CLOTHING FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE CLOTHES OOOONNLYYY FOR GIRLS WHOSE BREASTS CONSIST ENTIRELY OF NIPPLES?!

It's like every single thing I try on at Hollister, Arden B, Nordstrom's, Macy's, Rampage, Charlotte Russe, Wet Seal, you name it, becomes a hideous joke because either the built in bra doesn't even make it over the top quarter of my rack, or because my breasts are positively SPILLING out of it. What is wrong with you idiotic people? Does everyone on the planet except me have the figure of a two by four? Why can't there be clothes to fit us that don't make us look like complete and utter sluts because there's no room in them for one of TWO organs that separates us from men! (...uh, I'm counting the entire vagina as just one.) It's like, guys like a nice rack, so let's just making clothing for people who lack one, to make them feel better about not having one. Those awful girls who were blessed with breasts can go to the Salvation Army.

So I constantly have to buy clothes that look like they'll fit, and then after one time wearing them, realize they fit HORRIBLY and then I have to donate them to someone who DOES have the ideal figure, my goddamn sister.

UGH. FUCKING MAKE CLOTHES FOR PEOPLE WITH BOOBS. YOU'D MAKE SO MUCH MORE MONEY ON THE EXTRA FEW SQUARE INCHES OF MATERIAL.

The New and Improved Tufts University

2006-02-17T20:59:52Z

Saribari722: MOTHERFUCKER
Saribari722: FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS SHIT
Saribari722: Personal 611 05:21:29 AM Mail Services Packages pending pick up
Saribari722: 5:21 AM, HUH!?!?!?
Saribari722: THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT
bluirinka: WHAT THE FUCK
bluirinka: I FUCKING HATE YOU MAIL SERVICES
bluirinka: DEATH TO HILL HALL, IN FACT
bluirinka: imagine if Tufts was like the world
bluirinka: who would you fly a plane into first
bluirinka: like who would you bomb first
bluirinka: HILL HALL.
Saribari722: HAHAHA
Saribari722: YES
bluirinka: the fact that Zach lives there does not make me want to spare it
bluirinka: fuck you Hill
bluirinka: mail services, strike one
Saribari722: true story
bluirinka: Everest climbing, strike two
bluirinka: gigantic lounge with nice view and sky, strike three
bluirinka: Zach, strike four
bluirinka: oh you motherfuckers are gone
bluirinka: let's make a list of who we'd bomb
bluirinka: LOL
bluirinka: OMG
bluirinka: IMAGINE
bluirinka: if like
bluirinka: we made it
bluirinka: and left it somewhere
bluirinka: and they'd be like
bluirinka: found
bluirinka: and people would think we were like planning shootings
bluirinka: like Lewis has to go too, i'm sorry
bluirinka: Craft Center does not redeem it
Saribari722: yeah seriously
bluirinka: sayonara, Lewis
Saribari722: haskell?
bluirinka: Haskell is so gone it's not even funny
bluirinka: BUT
bluirinka: ONLY after Latin Way
Saribari722: oh YES
Saribari722: YES YES YES
Saribari722: ...
bluirinka: because of the grating geometric monstrosity
Saribari722: i am not having an orgasm
Saribari722: haha
Saribari722: btw
bluirinka: and the CIRCLE WINDOWS
bluirinka: HAHAHAHAHAHA
bluirinka: "i am not having an orgasm"
bluirinka: what every guy likes to hear
Saribari722: yeah for real
bluirinka: hmm who's next
bluirinka: Wren obviously
bluirinka: cat litter/piss smell doesn't really tickle my fancy
bluirinka: um, how about the 7th floor of Dowling
Saribari722: hahaha
Saribari722: 7th floor of dowling is so pristine
bluirinka: ADD DROP FORM HELL
bluirinka: besides that it's nice
bluirinka: but
Saribari722: yeah
bluirinka: ADD DROP FORM HELL
bluirinka: next on the list is Blakely
bluirinka: just because it is so superfluous
bluirinka: that it took me like three days to figure out what the fuck it was
bluirinka: i'm tempted to blow up Olin too. that motherfucker's far away and up a really crappy hill
Saribari722: and spanish is so great, right?
bluirinka: oh yeah and whatever that geology building is by Hill
bluirinka: BYE!
bluirinka: YOU ARE WASTE OF BRICK
Saribari722: lane
bluirinka: yeah thats it
bluirinka: i knew it was on an L
bluirinka: and what the hell is with Hillsides
bluirinka: is it a cingular commercial?
bluirinka: where everything looks like cell phone bars?
bluirinka: Hillsides: Raising the Bar.
bluirinka: Let's get rid of Richardson and Dyke Housing while we're at it
Saribari722: true story
Saribari722: dyke housing!
Saribari722: hahahah
Saribari722: request form
bluirinka: LOL
bluirinka: oh
bluirinka: Metcalf
Saribari722: oh yeah
Saribari722: dude
bluirinka: ^no.
Saribari722: im sorry
Saribari722: im just thinking
Saribari722: 5;21 AM!?!?!?!?
Saribari722: I DONT THINK SO
Saribari722: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MAIL SERVICES
Saribari722: i dont want to go back
bluirinka: maybe that's when it was received?
bluirinka: maybe that is when the package was received.
bluirinka: anally.
Saribari722: iw as about to say "up their ass"
Saribari722: haha
Saribari722: unreal
bluirinka: hahahaha
bluirinka: okay so what is left of the Tufts campus
bluirinka: we have......South
bluirinka: Dewick, Hodgdon, Carmicheal: we gotta eat.
bluirinka: Pearson, the Campus Center, and the library are still alive.
Saribari722: and bp!
bluirinka: yay!!!!
bluirinka: as are...Barnum, most of Dowling, East, Braker, Eaton...Anderson/Robinson, since, you know, people like Rachel are soooo math oriented they can't survive in the regular world of words
bluirinka: haha oh wait we forgot to bomb Halligan
bluirinka: sorry Kelly, but computers are gay
Saribari722: hahahaha
bluirinka: Brown and Brew stands strong
bluirinka: why is Cabot still alive?
bluirinka: do we have classes in Cabot?
bluirinka: no. go away, Cabot
bluirinka: Houston and Miller are holding down the fort uphill
bluirinka: Bush is alive
Saribari722: west!
Saribari722: oh kill bush
Saribari722: HAHAHAH
bluirinka: LOL!
bluirinka: for that reason alone
bluirinka: like Bush didn't really do anything wrong
Saribari722: that wasnt what i meant
bluirinka: it even has hand dryers
Saribari722: but it is, in fact, entirely accurate
bluirinka: West is pretty.
bluirinka: despite garbage
bluirinka: we don't have to go inside
bluirinka: we can just admire
Saribari722: yup
bluirinka: okay, say your last goodbyes to Miner and Lincoln Filene
bluirinka: based on the fact that they're both entirely useless
Saribari722: lincoln filene
Saribari722: hahahhaha
bluirinka: can we blow up like
bluirinka: that section of fence
bluirinka: that stops me from going directly from the library steps to the campus center steps
Saribari722: YES PLEASE
bluirinka: and the one that made us do that idiotic walkaround today
bluirinka: instead of going straight to math
bluirinka: shall we just level the hill?
Saribari722: yeah
bluirinka: or NO
bluirinka: NO!
Saribari722: lets level the hill
Saribari722: haha
bluirinka: build ESCALATORS
Saribari722: what?
Saribari722: there you go
Saribari722: thats actually not a bad idea
Saribari722: not bad at all
bluirinka: like that entire trek from Hodgdon to Olin
bluirinka: OH and that awful section of the president's lawn that goes to Ballou
bluirinka: speaking of which
bluirinka: how is THAT still standing
bluirinka: well
bluirinka: to be fair
bluirinka: it has columns
bluirinka: and is supposedly the oldest building on campus
Saribari722: yeah im going to go with...
Saribari722: its pretty
Saribari722: so it deserves to live
bluirinka: Packard Hall, however
bluirinka: of questionable function
bluirinka: and therefore
bluirinka: questionable existence
bluirinka: we're such econ majors
Saribari722: or rather
bluirinka: EFFICIENCY!
Saribari722: not questionable at all
Saribari722: just
Saribari722: useless
bluirinka: LOL
bluirinka: awwwwwww YJ just gave me the most adorable little perfume for Valentine's
bluirinka: so i'll get her a welcome home present
Saribari722: aww
Saribari722: make her a shirt
Saribari722: hahah
bluirinka: i was JUST thinking that
Saribari722: i want to make to make a shirt
Saribari722: NOW
Saribari722: NOW!!!
Saribari722: NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw
Saribari722: i also want to take a naop
Saribari722: nap
bluirinka: i want to make to make a shirt?
Saribari722: this may present issues
Saribari722: or rather
bluirinka: i think from now on
Saribari722: i want to make a shirt
bluirinka: anything that presents issues
bluirinka: NUKE IT!
bluirinka: seems to be working for Dubya
Saribari722: i want (to make)^2 a shirt
Saribari722: apparently
bluirinka: LOL!
bluirinka: uh oh
bluirinka: Tilton
Saribari722: later, tilton
Saribari722: later, pants
bluirinka: LOL
bluirinka: Tilton is like
Saribari722: theres a story behind the later, pants
bluirinka: such an easy choice
Saribari722: senior week
bluirinka: just b/c of that one wall.
Saribari722: i was getting undressed
bluirinka: that faces Hodge
bluirinka: ooh
Saribari722: to get into the lake
bluirinka: i like hwo this story sounds
Saribari722: well i had a bathing suit on
Saribari722: but i was like
Saribari722: later, sunglasses
Saribari722: later, halter
Saribari722: later, sandals
Saribari722: later, pants
Saribari722: and drew though "later, pants" was the funniest thing in the world
Saribari722: he still mentions it
bluirinka: hahahahahahahahaha
Saribari722: i think he walked up to the dock only to catch that last one
Saribari722: so
bluirinka: i think i'm going to have to draw a map of the new and improved
bluirinka: TUFTS UNIVERSITY
Saribari722: hahaha
Saribari722: yes!
bluirinka: we also should rebuild
Saribari722: later, CONSTRUCTION
bluirinka: by adding pretty
bluirinka: and name them Villa Birenbaum and Castle Bell
Saribari722: hahahahahaha
bluirinka: Emmanuel Tower
bluirinka: Ricciuto Estates
Saribari722: hahaha
Saribari722: park park
Saribari722: jk
bluirinka: LOL!
bluirinka: hahahahahahaa
bluirinka: we're going to take away Latin Way, Haskell, Tilton and Lewis and Bush right
bluirinka: so
bluirinka: that means
bluirinka: we can put in four new buildings
bluirinka: and make a DOWNHILL QUAD
bluirinka: dude
bluirinka: we should just start a new college
bluirinka: like, as our job
bluirinka: get tons of state funding or something
bluirinka: from like some state that has no good school
bluirinka: New Mexico
bluirinka: Wyoming
bluirinka: West Virginia
bluirinka: and just make like the most awesome college ever
bluirinka: and we'll add a city nearby so that it has a good location
bluirinka: LOL
Saribari722: new mexico
Saribari722: hahah
bluirinka: i've always like had this idea
Saribari722: even NEW MEXICOS college is better than wyoming
bluirinka: to just go out to some shitty state
Saribari722: or rather
bluirinka: and start a city
Saribari722: other way around
bluirinka: with its own suburbs
Saribari722: that'/d be awesome
bluirinka: and farms
bluirinka: like what is stopping any place from being a major industrial center or whatever
bluirinka: and it'd create way more jobs
Saribari722: ...
Saribari722: proximity
Saribari722: to like
Saribari722: the coast
Saribari722: hahah
Saribari722: thats what
bluirinka: hahahaha
Saribari722: ok
Saribari722: lets make isaacs state
bluirinka: then we'd take all the excess people from Densely Populated New Jersey and move them there
Saribari722: into the new ny
Saribari722: hahahaha
bluirinka: that way
bluirinka: we can have much higher speed limits
bluirinka: and people can get licenses at like age 15
bluirinka: haha no actually i always had Maine in mind
bluirinka: when i was thinking this
Saribari722: maine is
Saribari722: cold
bluirinka: but then i was like dude
Saribari722: hahahah
bluirinka: make South Dakota relevant
bluirinka: make Montana matter
bluirinka: make Idaho of consequence
Saribari722: or rather
Saribari722: don't

LOOOOVE
Luseeya

Wow.

2006-01-25T22:28:24Z

I sang at a funeral today. It was for a 22 year old Tufts student that was hit by a car two blocks away in Davis Square. They started it by playing the speech that she gave at her own high school graduation in 2002. It made me think - those kids had no idea that the person speaking would die in four years. And then the leap wasn't far to, "god, whose graduation speech from OUR graduation will be played at a funeral four years from now?"

Then they started describing the life of this girl. Up to now, she was just the anonymous Tufts senior that died over Thanksgiving break. But it turns out that she was born and raised in Bulgaria, and only could afford Tufts because a wealthy family was sponsoring her education. And she didn't let them down - she was a really active member of the Institute for Global Leadership and traveled all over the fucking planet. She was majoring in the exact same things as I am, except she didn't sit around and worry about how fat she was getting or that some guy didn't like her, she was out looking for new ways on how to DEVELOP HER HOME COUNTRY.

I mean, I had been listening to Boris tell me about how he was soooo lazy and had no accomplishments to his name that would get him into college - well, I already passed that part of my life, except instead of continuing to achieve, I've gotten complacent. To think that there are people on this campus that are going to conferences in Dubai in order to figure out how to become the CEO of a multinational corporational, while I sit in my dorm and talk shit about the weird girl down the hall and tell everyone to feel my new featherbed. I'm so proud of myself for fucking going to class, and going to the gym, and doing my math homework a day in advance.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't just be the plain old white girl from New Jersey. What are they going to say at my funeral? "Talked about anal sex all the time"? "Really perverted"? "Liked to sing"? I'll need to do something to distinguish myself.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't supposed to be an angsty entry or anything. Just kind of like a wake up call. I can still be proud of myself for going to the gym for the first time ever, because it's a small personal accomplishment. But at some point, I'm going to have to get up off my ass and do something! Then I can feel even better.

Pensively yours,
Lobsicakes

Wow!

2006-01-21T21:19:11Z

It's the second day of the new semester, and I would just like to point out that it is currently 8:34 am. And I AM AWAKE. Who would have thought? (Granted, at 8 20 Derek said, "Renee...didn't you want to get up at 8 15?" And I rolled out of bed. So it's all on Derek.) But yesterday I successfully got up an extra hour early too!

I'm just interested to see how long this lasts. Or is two days waking up early going to be my personal best?

A few other things - how long will it be until the pleasure of being called "Lucia" in Spanish class again is overshadowed by all the fucking work we have to do? How long until doing Calc III homework at 2 am is no longer "satisfying", and gets shat on and lit afire, because that is a better use for it?

With a more structured schedule, I might ACTUALLY be able to post the usual funny entries. BUT Boris might come today, in which case FUCK THE COMPUTER hahahaha.

Oh, but I owe you guys the story about my waffle yesterday morning. I swear it's slightly more interesting than it sounds (because at the moment it sounds about as interesting as Bronner tweezing his armpit hair).

Responsibly yours,
Lobsicakes

Sorry!

2006-01-18T16:10:18Z

Okay, I'm sorry but this is not an entry...I just really needed to save these hilarious quotes somewhere. If you guys read the A Song of Ice and Fire series, THEN it's an awesome entry.

1. "Eddard + Old Nan = Jon Snow. It was a night to forget."
2. "Jon is the child of Walder Frey and Old Nan. This will be revealed in a highly graphic flashback. CASE CLOSED"

3. In the BEST MINOR CHARACTER thread:
"ASOIAF wouldn't be possible without the work of so many lesser talents. Who strikes your fancy?

The Gentleman's Bracket
Shagga - Keeps his goats well-fed.
Dolorous Edd - You cheer me.
Shitmouth - Bugger him with a bloody spear.
Jalabar Xho - He's kind of like Token from Not Another Teen Movie. That's whack!

The Fool Bracket
Moon Boy - Fucking Cersei for all we know.
Butterbumps - A lot of fool to love.
Patchface - Cree-py!
Jinglebell - Probably in retrospect, didn't make for the best hostage.

The Stone Cold Fox Bracket
Irri - Steamy Lesbo. It is known.
Pretty Pia - Now borderline presentable Pia.
Chataya - Classier than most of the highborn ladies.
Gatehouse Ami - And it's always open.
Harma Dogshead - Bow Wow!

The Kiddie Bracket
Hot Pie - ASOIAF's Ralph Wiggum.
Lommy Greenhands - He yields!
Wex - Like a less vocal Pod.

The Happily Riding the Short Bus Bracket
Hodor - Hodor!
Lollys - No one ever said it was easy being Lollys."
4. "My vote goes to all-for-Joffrey. He made a harsh visit to the Riverlands both bearable and enjoyable."
5. "In the kiddie bracket, Hot Pie, for the sheer fact that his battle cry was his own name."
6. "The Gentleman's Bracket

Dolorous Edd - Usually the Acadamy is not turned on by comic relief. However, Edd's delivery slays the competition in this bracket.

The Fool Bracket

Butterbumps - His stirring rendition of "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" made it a lock for song of the year. Thus, the sentimental fav here.

The Stone Cold Fox Bracket
Irri - Never bet against the portrayal of a homosexual character.

The Kiddie Bracket
Lommy Greenhands - Voters bored by the choices. Several ballots returned blank. He wins due to death scene, nothing more.

The Happily Riding the Short Bus Bracket
Hodor - Given virtually no dialogue but what delivery! What range! Simply stirring. The consumate performance."
7. "Clearly there's a buzz emerging around Irri, Hodor and Dolorous Edd. Tabloids are flying off the shelf.

strangerface Posted Today, 19.45
Hodor! Hodor!! HOOOOOOOODOR! HOOOOOOOOODOR. HODOOOOR. HODOOOOR. HoDOR. HoDOR. HOdor. HOdor. Hodorhodorhodorhodor! HODOR! HODOR!!!

Am I the only one that caught this? Pretty intense sentiment there. So many profanities.."
8. "For the kiddie bracket I choose Pate. Not the pig boy in the prologue, but the poor little wretch who is Tommen's whipping boy and was Joffrey's before that. Even though we've never seen him yet I have to say, that poor little bastard has the absolute worst shit-ass job in all of westeros! Joffrey's whipping boy? what could suck worse than that?"

9. Things You Wish ASoIaF Characters Would Say:
a. Brienne, to her squire, requesting an audience with Osmund or Osney: "Pod, call the Kettleblack."
b. Mormont's crow: (nothing)

Robert Arryn: I can fly!!!

Loras Tyrell: Let'sss go SHOPPINNNNGGG!!!!
c. Anyone at all: Loras is gay.
d. Hodor: Hey you guyyyyyyssss!
e. Tyrion: "A whore! A whore! The Seven Kingdoms for a whore!"
Robert Baratheon: "A whore! A whore! The Seven Kingdoms for a whore!"
Tywin Lannister: "A whore! A whore! The Seven Kingdoms for a whore!"
f. Cersei: My sex life is incestastic!
g. brienne "pod, bring my chainmail nightie and your pretty little self over here, momma's feelin' frisky..."
Tyrion to Pod after said rendezvous: "So the lady of Tarth says you finally found your tongue..."
h. Biter "I'm partial to breast meat."
i. Loras to Jaime: "I've noticed you watching me."
j. Tyrion to Sansa: "You wouldn't kneel during our wedding, so I'd really like you to get down on your knees now."
k. Jaime: "It is but a flesh wound, have at you!"
l. Gilly: "Where is it?"
m. Cersie: My hobbies include ... lets see, raising my children, good house keeping, skiing, sucking cock, and gardening.
n. Whore: "You're done already?
Lord Beric: "I'm the lightning lord, baby!"
o. Bran when he saw Jaime and Cersie "Fuckers, Fuckers, Fuckers"
p. Cersei, Jaime & Tyrion do the chicken dance.

Tywin: And that's why you should never sleep with whores.
q. Aemon: Come see me when we are done. I'll need to change your dressing and apply a fresh poultice, and you will want some more dreamwine for the pain.

Jon nods meekly.

Aemon: ... wait, wait ... Jon, did you just f*cking nod?

10. If ASoIaF Were Written By Other Authors...
a. As written by George Lucas.

George Lucas would then wait 16 years until his brain cells had started decaying and write A Game of Thrones. Children enjoy the book, but adult readers are confused and disgusted by the presence of a comedy CGI creature who keeps blocking the narrative flow ("The things I do for love..." "OH! MEESAR BRANNY, NO SHOULD BE CLIMBING UP BIG TREE!" "Sh!t!").
b. If ASoIaF was written by Raymond E. Feist...

Jon would find the wall and see that it needed some defending. A huge army of Others would be marching on the wall. It would be hopeless, as their leader trotted up on an Ice Pony Stallion. Just as they prepare for one last stand...

- The forces of Casterly Rock appear
- Stannis's forces appear
- King's Landing's forces appear
- Martell and Tyrell forces appear
- An ambassador's guard from the Summer Isles appears
- Winterfell forces appear
- Renly's forces appear
- Children of the Forest's pep squad appears
- Bran bounds up with Nymeria and a gajillion wolves
- Dany flies out of the sky on a dragon
c. Monty Python

And now something completely different......The Weirwood.
d. If Jean-Paul Sartre wrote it:

"Hell is...'Other' people."

If E. B. White wrote it....:

"Where's Pa going with that sword?"

Charles Dickens:

"It was the worst of times, no seriously, it WAS the worst of times, it was the age of kings clashing, it was the age of crows feasting, it was the epoch of belief in the 7, it was the epoch of incredulity about the 7, it was the season of The Lord of Light, it was the season of the Lord of Darkness, it was the autumn of little hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the to 7 hells - in short, the period was so far unlike the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in volumes as heavy as doorstops only."

Ayn Rand:

"Who is Jon Snow?"

J. D. Salinger:

"If you really want to hear about it, the first th"ing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap. Well, I'm a bastard and I don't know who my mother was and who is this guy David Copperfield, he's not in the Appendix."

======

If JRR Tolkien wrote ASOIAF, the first line would be:

"In a hole in the ground there lived Ned Stark."

The last line would be:

"Well, Gilly, I'm back."
e. Edgar Allen Poe:
Qouthe the Valonqar, "Cersei's a whore"

LOL that's all for now...I laughed myself into tears fifty times, I swear

Borneekat

2005-11-07T03:55:52Z

There's a LOT more to this visit home than just this, but I really felt that Katya's perfect words needed to be displayed somewhere. Katya wrote this after Boris and I left her house -

"We really have to go now." Boris stated unnecessarily.
"Yeah, so then I told him to say, 'suck on this', turn around, squat, pull down his trousers and take a dump in front of the aging Arabic man."
The trio collapsed into a collaboration of limbs and various spasms of violent laughter. Two fifty-seven in the morning on a Saturday night when my parents had come back from one or the other Halloween fest where my dad pretended not to drink three beers before driving home 'responsible'/ 'I have a metla up my ass'-like. Obviously, the topics at hand include sex, Russian camp, understanding, the sharing of umbilical cords, college, flapping lips, Death Cab For Cutie, and our vagina-hating mental wavelengths. No, we're not sharing this discussion with my mother's "victoria's secret" angel costume and my father's sweaty, overweight friend who decided to lie sprawled across the couch in the beginning stages of our fusion. Boris, who has masterfully finished explaining how he cannot tolerate homosexuals, is entwined in a web of Renee and Katyaness. Sometimes, all it takes is an unexpected trip home and two miniscule cups of coffee which took over an hour to brew (we forgot to brew the first time, or rather, I did, because I didn't know who the Pope was until seventh grade) to really remind me where I belong in this web of consciousness.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had never met my soul's counterparts. If I couldn't call Boris, utter what sounds like the beginning thoughts of a coherent phrase and have him understand entirely what I'm about to explain or having Renee hum the first three notes of a particular harmony in a song and mutter the lyrics under my breath until she suffocated me in a leap of Reneelove. If I didn't love these two amazing beings in their entirety. For their flaws, for their mistakes, for their unconventional love, I don't think I'd understand why I am and who I am. The poetry formulating in my mind would lack meaning. These are two people in whose presence I can safely collapse crying, laughing, screaming, fighting, aging, broken, ashamed, hysterical, ambitious, excited, delirious and uncontrollable. The need to explain bolts out the door hand in hand with any trace of sadness our minds are able to produce. Renee's friend was absolutely correct. Laughter and sex are psychologically equal. Laughter is the best medicine. It's a divine and intimate moment shared between you and certain individuals who, for a fraction of a second, read your mind. At a passionate climax, there is no room for any form of thought besides ultimate pleasure. Some say it is the one time when an individual literally experiences an encounter with God.
God being a single, steady force that pushes you to do greater things, an emotion present when you're struggling with your most challenging imperfections and experiencing wonders beyond your own comprehension. When I sit cross-legged and collapse on Boris's lap in a fit of giggles, there is no room in or around my aura for discomfort. My laughter is full, and perfect in all its imperfections. There is no need to control my reaction. I'm not dressed to impress, I'm not trying to become something I'm quite clearly and obviously not. When Boris, Renee and I converse, I honestly believe that we become one. We simultaneously have the same reactions, begin sentences, laugh, do certain movements and scream out in absolute adoration. I cannot say I feel safer or more accepted and comfortable with any other human beings on the planet. Not to say that I don't have a wonderful time with other acquaintances and friends, but the two scenarios are non-compatible. After a period of about four months, we developed our own -isms and personas. I often have a Reneeism, or a Borisism, sometimes I even have a Borineeism if I'm in a rather extended situation. A situation, for example, with Mr.Alschen screaming about how schools should be run the way they were in the motherland. Where I would randomely take out a sheet of paper, write 'rabid children' in wonderfully bright blue marker and recite a speech from fight club, then sit back down in my chair and stare fiercely at the wall in front of me. I think that would qualify as a Borineeism. If I had a choice, if I could create my own afterlife, I would choose to spend it with the two people who present me with a feeling that I can concretely say is compatible with some of the greatest moments in my life. Boris and Renee, in my mind, qualify as my gifts from a spiritual reality I simply do not have the mental capacity to comprehend.
Sometimes I sit in class and laugh to myself because of something particularly hilarious that one of us exclaimed at some point the night before. I tend to ignore any remarks made by my classmates. They don't have what I have. They can't come home every night and remember that somewhere out there is a person who holds in their hands a giant piece of my soul. The best thing about it is, I trust them, and only them, to hold onto it for me.

There IS more, though. Like what Boris said about heaven, or the fog. But it doesn't necessarily need to be stated, you know?
love yall. amazing.
Rinachkaaaaa

JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST. A rift in the time-space continuum?!

2005-11-02T09:03:32Z

A while ago, my friend Stephie

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A while ago, my friend Stephie <ljuser=youngnawkward> came into my room with Mike Sherry and said, "By the way, I friended you on Livejournal. Your Livejournal is fucking hilarious. So much better than most people's blogs." I was so touched and inspired to recap all sortsa shit, but for some reason it never came about. Then tonight I received an IM, and no offense to Stephie, but I have NEVER been more inspired to write an entry. BUT i realized the only way to do this justice is just to copy paste it. Enjoy, people, this is fucking insane.

Bexxxxxx: is this renee from glen rock who writes the livejournal?
bluirinka: lol yes!
bluirinka: who's this?
Bexxxxxx: hi.
Bexxxxxx: you don't know me, but i'm bex
Bexxxxxx: i went to GRHS, too
bluirinka: lol as the screen name surely implies
bluirinka: well then i may actually know you
Bexxxxxx: i was randomly googling Whit and i found your livejournal
Bexxxxxx: i graduated in 96
bluirinka: OMG! I LOVE WHITTE!
Bexxxxxx: indeed
bluirinka: yeah that may be before my time
Bexxxxxx: so i read all your entire "recapping" your classes
bluirinka: any younger siblings though?
Bexxxxxx: and they were just like my high school years
bluirinka: omg, how many did you read?
Bexxxxxx: my little brother graduated in, um 99?
bluirinka: haha i know, i love my livejournal
bluirinka: haha who's that?
Bexxxxxx: all the high school ones
Bexxxxxx: we actually kept a journal full of the shiznit Bosto would say
Bexxxxxx: we filled three binders
bluirinka: JESUS CHRIST Bosto
bluirinka: there is so much that i could not post about him publicly
Bexxxxxx: oh dear
Bexxxxxx: he's still ALIVE?
Bexxxxxx: did you just graduate?
bluirinka: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
bluirinka: OH MY GOD i just burst out laughing
bluirinka: haha yup, high school freshman
bluirinka: COLLEGE freshman
bluirinka: wow
Bexxxxxx: nice
bluirinka: although many have mistaken me for the former
Bexxxxxx: your Voorhis things made me crack up
bluirinka: i look like i'm 12, i'm told
Bexxxxxx: as did the Whit
bluirinka: LOL i love Grandon
bluirinka: V-locker
bluirinka: Bosto
bluirinka: he's still alive, sadly
Bexxxxxx: our book was called "bosto-isms"
Bexxxxxx: he got prostate cancer when he was my teacher
bluirinka: still only owns two black t-shirts
Bexxxxxx: NO
Bexxxxxx: oh dear
bluirinka: except the day that he wore a bright red long sleeved shirt
Bexxxxxx: what about the mickey mantle one?
bluirinka: and no one knew what to do
Bexxxxxx: he wore that once
bluirinka: we just sat staring
Bexxxxxx: oh my lord
bluirinka: trying to put together "Bosto" with "red shirt"
Bexxxxxx: does .. not .. compute
bluirinka: LMFAO
bluirinka: like, i couldn't write about all the widespread cheating we'd do in Physics
bluirinka: were you aware that he retired this year...to become a substitute janitor
Bexxxxxx: my friend Andi and i kept a detailed notebook about everything Whit wore - we were trying to track how often he wore his olive blazer, which i don't know if he still owns
Bexxxxxx: WHAT?
bluirinka: Physics teacher --> substitute janitor.
Bexxxxxx: a JANITOR?????
bluirinka: YEAH.
Bexxxxxx: does he, like, do the thing where he holds a heavy weight under his chin and it doesn't come back to hit him, but with a garbage can?
bluirinka: LOL i totally did that for a different reason - this girl who sat in front of me in English, every single day she'd sit down, her pants would slide down her ass and i'd get a view of her thong, so my friend Alyssa and I kept a Running Log of what color it was every day, you know, to see if we could find a pattern that may or may not unlock the secrets of the stock market
Bexxxxxx: brilliant
bluirinka: LOL!
Bexxxxxx: alas, i didn't start wearing thongs til college
Bexxxxxx: they weren't big back then
bluirinka: hahaha
Bexxxxxx: and yet now, they are a necessity
bluirinka: who's your brother?
Bexxxxxx: adam schwartz?
bluirinka: Bosto was retarded
Bexxxxxx: i don't think he, um, had many friends
bluirinka: LOL!
Bexxxxxx: i don't know if you would know him
Bexxxxxx: he did knights of drama, tho
Bexxxxxx: if you did that with okey
bluirinka: sounds familiar
bluirinka: i loooove Okey
Bexxxxxx: is okey still there?
Bexxxxxx: schwoo
bluirinka: he retired after my freshman year
Bexxxxxx: oh!
Bexxxxxx: snap!
bluirinka: so at least i got one year in his Drama class
Bexxxxxx: nice.
bluirinka: okay wow, Bosto
Bexxxxxx: the only friends I still have from GRHS are people with whom i did drama stuff
bluirinka: but that makes sense
bluirinka: your minds were probably all wired the same way
Bexxxxxx: right
Bexxxxxx: and we all live in the city
bluirinka: lol wow
Bexxxxxx: and at one time we lived in the same 'hood
bluirinka: i'll probably end up living somewhere near GR if not in GR and commuting
bluirinka: BUT ANYWAY
bluirinka: i actually have tons of unwritten LJ entries
Bexxxxxx: i've been in nyc since i graduated college. but my parents moved away so i haven't been to the Rock in ages
Bexxxxxx: with recaps of whit's class?
bluirinka: well sort of
Bexxxxxx: those made me sooo nostalgic
bluirinka: my LJ was like a big thing for some people
Bexxxxxx: your board of temporary notoriety thing?
bluirinka: people i never talked to in my school read it, not like i had a problem with it
bluirinka: haha
Bexxxxxx: we had that, in what was odie's room, where there holes in the wall and we'd put notes in there
Bexxxxxx: it was called nuggets of wisdom, or something
bluirinka: AWWW Odie
Bexxxxxx: was glen rock all bloggy?
bluirinka: he retired right after we graduated
bluirinka: oh, not at all
Bexxxxxx: did GRHS in the 2000s resemble the oc?
bluirinka: and besides, most kids' blogs aren't widely read, they're all angsty and stupid
bluirinka: haha not at all
Bexxxxxx: did most of the GRHS bloggers belong to Mobius?
bluirinka: everyone in my graduating class was for the most part pretty comfortable with each other, it was a nice feeling to sit in the senior lounge and talk to anyone and everyone in it
Bexxxxxx: i did Mobius, too
Bexxxxxx: that's awesome
bluirinka: LOL. i was Editor of Mobius
Bexxxxxx: ME TOO
Bexxxxxx: hilarious
Bexxxxxx: my class was more fragmented, i think
bluirinka: well i mean like, there were all separate friend groups, but no one was really like actively mean to each other
bluirinka: when i got facebook, i facebooked every person in my graduating class
bluirinka: and they all accepted
Bexxxxxx: i have the unfair advantage because i've read your livejournal. i'm at www.planetbex.com , just so we're on even footing
Bexxxxxx: wow
bluirinka: except one, which is a long story, and he randomly friend'ed me a month later
bluirinka: haha ooh okay
Bexxxxxx: wow, facebook. friendster came out when i was 23 and we thought THAT was astounding
Bexxxxxx: i can't even imagine what it would have been like to have been in college with stuff like that
bluirinka: anyway the point is that after a while, i'd start getting hordes of angry IMs and phone calls if i didn't post an entry
bluirinka: and if i GOD FORBID left someone's funny quote out
Bexxxxxx: WOW
bluirinka: there'd be hell to pay the next day
Bexxxxxx: you were totally the Daily Show of GRHS
Bexxxxxx: hardcore!
bluirinka: "wtf?! what i said was so funny, why didn't i get mentioned???"
Bexxxxxx: blogfame!
bluirinka: so i started writing funny things down
bluirinka: i swear to god
bluirinka: on some days my Topics list was like, the thing to read during Option
Bexxxxxx: your friends must've loved seeing everything saved forever
Bexxxxxx: there's STILL option time?
Bexxxxxx: jesus fuck
bluirinka: hahahaha
Bexxxxxx: they initiated that when i was a sr.
bluirinka: wow
Bexxxxxx: we couldn't leave campus during option time
bluirinka: yeah, us either. didn't stop us.
Bexxxxxx: was it still on that weird 8 day drop-a-period schedule?
bluirinka: LOL
bluirinka: sorta
bluirinka: but anyway
bluirinka: it got to the point that
bluirinka: people in class would still be laughing at something Whitte said
Bexxxxxx: these kids got busted buying blow in P-town during option time. but then it turned out they'd been ripped off and they only bought sheetrock and then they were going to discontinue Option TIme
bluirinka: and someone would yell across the room at me, "RENEE! WRITE THAT DOWN!"
Bexxxxxx: fucking brilliant
bluirinka: LMAO!
bluirinka: that's amazing
Bexxxxxx: option time 1.0, i guess
bluirinka: no WONDER they spazzed on me and my friends when we left option to go to Wendy's
Bexxxxxx: we used to hang out at the big table in the guidance area and play trivial pursuit
bluirinka: but the new VP was such a shithead about it
bluirinka: he called us out of AP BIO
Bexxxxxx: dr cummins left?
bluirinka: last year, yeah
Bexxxxxx: hell's to the yeah!
bluirinka: he called 6 kids out of AP Bio
bluirinka: when we all had option one period later
Bexxxxxx: V-slice musta been pissed
bluirinka: idiot
bluirinka: LOL V-SLICE!
bluirinka: nah, Voorhis was amazing
bluirinka: he's such a good guy...one of the only normal ones in the science department
bluirinka: unlike Erickson or Bosto.
Bexxxxxx: oh my lord, erickson
Bexxxxxx: did he make you sing the moles-to-grams song?
bluirinka: UGH yes
Bexxxxxx: oh lord
bluirinka: and how about "O Chemis-tree"
bluirinka: he pulls out this retarded mini-christmas tree that's covered in test tubes and shit and makes you sing "O Chemis-tree" to it
Bexxxxxx: i was on a shoot in LA and i brought up the moles-to-grams song and O-chemis-tree and no one believed me
bluirinka: HAHAHAHAHHAHA
bluirinka: oh my god, i love you
bluirinka: you're like me from the future or something
Bexxxxxx: they were like, "no way, that did not happen when you were in 10th grade"
bluirinka: but yeah it IS kind of amazing to have all these things preserved...ten years from now i'll be able to go back and be like "OH YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT!"
bluirinka: I even do it now
Bexxxxxx: and then i started humming the "World of Chemistry" theme song
Bexxxxxx: ah, the memories
bluirinka: YES!!!!
bluirinka: Duuuu, nu du nu nu nu nu DUM.
Bexxxxxx: YES
Bexxxxxx: exactly
bluirinka: Duuuu, nu du nu nu nu nu DUM.
bluirinka: AMAZING
Bexxxxxx: i was at a wedding last summer with some old friends, and we all started singing it.
Bexxxxxx: bliss.
bluirinka: oh my god
bluirinka: you make me so happy
Bexxxxxx: no way, your blog just totally entertained me for far too long
bluirinka: haha really? it's not the whole thing
bluirinka: i originally had a xanga for like a few months
Bexxxxxx: i am so procrastinating on this script (hence the random websearch) and it was such a happy relief that i had to contact you
bluirinka: AWWW!
Bexxxxxx: no one i know likes xanga all that much
bluirinka: wow i kind of can't believe it though
bluirinka: i mean it's weird enough when people who don't go to my school find it the funniest thing ever
Bexxxxxx: altho' you and your friends are lot cooler and more hip than we were
bluirinka: i'm like wow, am i really that good at conveying these scenes?
bluirinka: haha i'm not sure about that
Bexxxxxx: the classroom stuff was just so wonderful
bluirinka: haha ohh now i wish i had preserved more
Bexxxxxx: also, the same Rock references
bluirinka: i still have a ton of Topics lists lying around my house somewhere
bluirinka: just waiting to be rewritten
Bexxxxxx: hanging out at the land and sea, etc.
bluirinka: haha like what?
bluirinka: YES!
Bexxxxxx: all the teachers
bluirinka: Land and Sea has the best chicken fingers, to this day
bluirinka: it's so sad though
bluirinka: they're all dropping like flies
Bexxxxxx: odie, schumaecher <sp?>, whitte, voorhis, heller
bluirinka: HELLER
bluirinka: you have to see this
Bexxxxxx: i went to camp with heller's daughter, amy
bluirinka: i was talking to my friend Katie, who's still a senior this year
bluirinka: i'll preface this by saying that i'm sorta known for being this ridiculously tiny girl with a pretty big, nice rack
Bexxxxxx: got it.
Bexxxxxx: they called me "them" when i was a senior
bluirinka: and one day Heller pulled me aside and was like "Renee. you know i love your dress sense, but you just can't have all this wonderful CLEAVAGE hanging out all the time!"
Bexxxxxx: "them" == my rack
bluirinka: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHA
Bexxxxxx: OH, heller
Bexxxxxx: you know, her daughters went to Frisch
bluirinka: we really ARE the saem person separated by like 10 years
Bexxxxxx: total Orthodox
bluirinka: omg, i know
bluirinka: she took off for the most minor Jewish holidays
bluirinka: but i love her, she's great
Bexxxxxx: she was great
bluirinka: she had a rough year, her husband died
Bexxxxxx: no
Bexxxxxx: that's sad to hear
bluirinka: but her daughter got engaged!
Bexxxxxx: Amy?
bluirinka: she liked me because i was a loud Jewish girl
Bexxxxxx: same!
bluirinka: hahahahha
Bexxxxxx: and because i went to Camp Ramah, too
bluirinka: lol
bluirinka: anyway so
Bexxxxxx: there were three of us Ramah-niks, and she liked us
bluirinka: Katie has an even bigger rack than I do, it's just monstrous
Bexxxxxx: yowza
bluirinka: oh and she also told me that Heller and Mahoney wrote her college recs
bluirinka: Heller and Mahoney also wrote MY college recs, lol
Bexxxxxx: Whit wrote mine
Bexxxxxx: Whit and Mahoney
Bexxxxxx: where do you go to school?
bluirinka: Tufts!
Bexxxxxx: nice!
bluirinka: where did you go?
Bexxxxxx: a good friend of mine went there
Bexxxxxx: Wesleyan
bluirinka: oh i love it here
Bexxxxxx: beautiful campus
bluirinka: wow, excellent
bluirinka: lol Wesleyan was too small and liberal for my liking
Bexxxxxx: it was a great place.
Bexxxxxx: it is small. and liberal. and AWESOME.
bluirinka: but otherwise it's fantastic
bluirinka:

*cut*

Bexxxxxx: NO
Bexxxxxx: NO WAY
Bexxxxxx: her scarf?
Bexxxxxx: EGADS
bluirinka: that seriously made my day
Bexxxxxx: oh, lord
Bexxxxxx: that's AWESOME
bluirinka: i can just imagine Heller describing Katie's boobs to UPenn or whatever
Bexxxxxx: oh dear
Bexxxxxx: we had drunk issues at our dances
Bexxxxxx: but never boob issues
bluirinka: no one actually GOES to dances
Bexxxxxx: i was also student council president, so the drunk thing was an issue
Bexxxxxx: REALLY?
bluirinka: proms, yes, but not homecoming
Bexxxxxx: they only had two - homecoming and the holiday dance
bluirinka: haha there isn't even a holiday dance anymore
bluirinka: in middle school they were huge
bluirinka: but in high school, not at all
Bexxxxxx: do they still have canteens?
bluirinka: homecoming is all student council kids and freshman girls
bluirinka: LOL the middle school does
bluirinka: woooow canteens
Bexxxxxx: good lord, i was working on i love the 90s, and every single song was either a big middle school dance hit, or a huge homecoming hit
Bexxxxxx: (ice ice baby was, like, the GREATEST song at the 7th grade halloween dance)
bluirinka: lol, STILL IS
Bexxxxxx: excellent
bluirinka: aw now i wish other people had chronicled their day-to-day GRHS career like i did
Bexxxxxx: me too
bluirinka: because even though I reread my entries
Bexxxxxx: i wish i could find our Bostoisms
bluirinka: and actually laugh out loud sometimes, which is kind of sad
bluirinka: LOL oh Bosto
bluirinka: i think my favorite Bosto story was this one:
Bexxxxxx: sometimes i have to share TOK memories with my friends, and i still crack up
bluirinka: "one summer i was working at Grand Union, you know, so I could meet girls. and one day i met a girl and started chatting her up, got her to come down to the beach with me. i'm like standing there, wading, and all of a sudden she dives and starts swimming away...turns out she's the Irish National Champion of the breaststroke...anyway, a few days later i get a call from an IRATE BOYFRIEND. he's a paratrooper, and he's all angry, and he says 'if i hear you've gone out with Terri again, I'll BREAK BOTH YOUR LEGS!'.....yeah...she was using me...that kind of thing happens to me all the time...but at least I had my Physics!"
Bexxxxxx: oh my lord, i am SO writing a campaign that takes place in high school and pitching it tomorrow
Bexxxxxx: FUCK MY COCK
bluirinka: haha what do you do for a living?
Bexxxxxx: that was one of OUR bostoisms
Bexxxxxx: i work for vh1
bluirinka: LOL wooooooow
bluirinka: anytime anything happened that month that upset us
bluirinka: we'd just go "oh well...at least i have my physics!"
Bexxxxxx: at least you had your physics
Bexxxxxx: exactly
Bexxxxxx: we did the same thing
bluirinka: no way, wow
Bexxxxxx: i should start using that all the time
bluirinka: i can't tell you though, how many people have told me to like tweak the old entries and turn them into a book, or a TV show
Bexxxxxx: i've gotten a few Whit-isms on air, i think
Bexxxxxx: totally
bluirinka: NO WAY! which?!
bluirinka: Whitte needs his own show
bluirinka: just Whitte talking
Bexxxxxx: on one show, i definitely called something a "nugget of wisdom," which he used to say
bluirinka: he is by far one of the best people i will ever meet
bluirinka: LOL he still does say that!
Bexxxxxx: and i think i quoted "schlem ni lay le holen" once
bluirinka: like, Whitte's speech is just infused with hilarious subtle wit
Bexxxxxx: to this day, one of my biggest inspirations
bluirinka: pretty much everything he says is hilarious and probably wouldn't be funny coming from anyone else
bluirinka: ahhh i know, i wish i had taken journalism
bluirinka: just to absorb Whitte some more
bluirinka: Whitte's not doing journalism anymore though
bluirinka: too many people signed up for it
Bexxxxxx: i was shooting some show, i can't remember which, and they wanted me, as a joke, to put on a mustache and blazer. and i was like, "i TOTALLY wore this when i was Whit in student-teacher day"
bluirinka: and did no work
Bexxxxxx: i took journalism
Bexxxxxx: i was editor in chief of the echo, actually
bluirinka: LOL
Bexxxxxx: no one did any work in class
bluirinka: Whitte is such a treasure
Bexxxxxx: and, sweet jesus, we had the most archaic computers
Bexxxxxx: he is
bluirinka: i can't believe he's tucked away in the GR school system
bluirinka: he needs to be like a professor at Yale or something
Bexxxxxx: if i ever write movie, i'm so writing him into it
Bexxxxxx: he always claimed he'd retire in 2001, or something, when he hit 55
bluirinka: i bet i would love your job
Bexxxxxx: i'm glad he didn't
bluirinka: nah, not with his daughter in college
bluirinka: omg, me too
Bexxxxxx: i love the things i make, but the daily shit is annoying
bluirinka: like what?
bluirinka: OMG!
bluirinka: was my MTV entry at ALL realistic?
Bexxxxxx: uncomfortably so
Bexxxxxx: we always have hot interns
Bexxxxxx: always
bluirinka: hoooooly shit
bluirinka: i cannot believe it
Bexxxxxx: you should come visit
bluirinka: that would be so unreal
Bexxxxxx: the daily shit is just like any other corporation - lots of politics, lots of annoying reasons why you can't use awesome music and you have to promote, like, Norah Jones
Bexxxxxx: but getting to make television is fun
Bexxxxxx: and i'm the "wacky" one so i get to do fun stuffs
bluirinka: now i feel cool about all those random times i'd praise VH1
bluirinka: LOL i'm the crazy one too
bluirinka: i should start working for Tufts TV
Bexxxxxx: actually,
Bexxxxxx: the producer of the graphics dept went to tufts
bluirinka: i think i'm going to join the Observer, the social commentary publication, and just convert old LJ entries into articles
bluirinka: fuck YEAH
Bexxxxxx: and worked for tufts tv
Bexxxxxx: he also, oddly enough, went to Ramapo and is from Wyckoff
bluirinka: lol along with everyone else at Tufts
Bexxxxxx: we dated for a while, it was funny because we had similar friends from home
bluirinka: haha wow
bluirinka: someone who still uses the word "dated"
Bexxxxxx: nyah nyah
bluirinka: oh yeah it's crazy
bluirinka: i met a kid from Ridgewood the other day
bluirinka: and when someone was like "Oh you're from New Jersey? WHAT EXIT? HAAA HAAA"
bluirinka: the guy, Karan, was like "actually, i never use the Parkway or Turnpike...i mainly use 17 and 4"
bluirinka: and i was like no way! those are MY highways!
Bexxxxxx: dated as in we slept together and sometimes went out to dinner and smoked a lot of pot, but i wasn't all that into him and then he hired my roommate and then it just all got too close for comfort so we stopped sleeping together, and then he got engaged
Bexxxxxx: jersey solidarity
bluirinka: hahaha that's such an awesome relationship
Bexxxxxx: my boyfriend grew up in Phillie and summered at the Jersey shore
Bexxxxxx: but he's older, so my prom memories of Sleazeside don't match his jersey shore memories
bluirinka: lol, SEASIDE
bluirinka: hahahaha
Bexxxxxx: exactly
bluirinka: you know what's another great thing on VH1
bluirinka: the shows that are like my Livejournal
bluirinka: they just take shit and make fun of it
bluirinka: all those Awesomely Badders
Bexxxxxx: i'm on all those shows
bluirinka: are just ingenious, whoever thought that up
Bexxxxxx: michael hirshorn and shelly tatro
bluirinka: get a bunch of funny people to ridicule shit, you can never go wrong
Bexxxxxx: it's cheap
Bexxxxxx: you just shoot comics in front of a greenscreen
bluirinka: are you serious?
bluirinka: yeah of course
bluirinka: that's all you NEED
Bexxxxxx: and you only have to license stills for animation and a few seconds of footage
Bexxxxxx: c-h-e-a-p
Bexxxxxx: yeah
Bexxxxxx: i've been on dozens of 'em
bluirinka: and it gets the job done
Bexxxxxx: yup
bluirinka: no way!
bluirinka: this is so unbelievable
Bexxxxxx: sho 'nuff
Bexxxxxx: no one watches vh1 anymore, i can't believe you mentioned the awesomely badders
bluirinka: it's kind of a mindfuck
bluirinka: nah, everyone i talk to is always referencing I love the 90's/80's, etc
Bexxxxxx: this is a partial list of all the shows i've been on:
Bexxxxxx: http://www.planetbex.com/bexshows05.htm
Bexxxxxx: but i forget to update it
Bexxxxxx: and i forgot a lot of 'em because they all blend together because you shoot so many of them that you lose track
Bexxxxxx: that's AWESOME. i did all the promos for 80s 3D and i wasn't sure if people were still watching.
bluirinka: how did you get into this?
bluirinka: because this would seriously be like a dream come true
Bexxxxxx: my real job, or the on-air stuff?
bluirinka: lol both
bluirinka: actually, that's prob. not interesting to you at all
bluirinka: we can go back to Patti Schu if you like
Bexxxxxx: it's okay, i get asked all the time
Bexxxxxx: after college, i was a performance artist
Bexxxxxx: which led to me being a stand-up
Bexxxxxx: the stand-up stuff is how i became a Talking Head
Bexxxxxx: everyone on air, for the most part, is an NYC comic
Bexxxxxx: i got my writer/director job by kicking ass
Bexxxxxx: teehee!
Bexxxxxx: no. i worked three other jobs before i got to VH1, because my first boss went over to VH1 and he recommended me to the guy who hired me
Bexxxxxx: so i left my theatre job and started over at vh1 as a PA
Bexxxxxx: and hated it
Bexxxxxx: so i busted my butt and worked my way up
bluirinka: that is unfuckingbelievable
bluirinka: good job. seriously.
Bexxxxxx: thanks
Bexxxxxx: television is all about who you know
Bexxxxxx: you know someone, they get you in, you work you ass off
bluirinka: i just told my roommate that someone IMed me just to tell me how much they loved my Livejournal, and then i find out that they're involved in and appear on all these awesome VH1 shows
bluirinka: and she's just like "......WOW."
bluirinka: and is staring at the wall, trying to contemplate this
bluirinka: and just now announced that she wants to start keeping a livejournal
Bexxxxxx: tell her to take deep, cleansing breaths
bluirinka: hahaha
Bexxxxxx: and someday people who went to her high school will randomly IM her
bluirinka: now i feel bad for not writing EVERYTHING up
bluirinka: at times, funny things were happening so quickly that i only managed to write down something like "James Oreos"
bluirinka: and three weeks later i'd look back and be like "what the fuck was THAT about?"
bluirinka: and i'd ask James and he'd be like, wow, no clue
Bexxxxxx: writing all this shit down is great
Bexxxxxx: when you sit down to write a screenplay, you've got all your material
bluirinka: college is more difficult to do b/c it's not structured
bluirinka: ooh that's so true
Bexxxxxx: sorry, on phone. my friend is in sweeney todd and he just got home from the theater
Bexxxxxx: or a novel
Bexxxxxx: or a column, whatevs
bluirinka: SWEENEY TODD
Bexxxxxx: my friend rachel has a column in the village voice
bluirinka: you didn't have Ficocelli did you?
Bexxxxxx: and she writes stuff down constantly
Bexxxxxx: nope
bluirinka: LOL he made us learn Sweeney Todd every single year in 6th grade
Bexxxxxx: oh dear
Bexxxxxx: i went to coleman elementary school
bluirinka: and there was a contest on Halloween of which class sang it best
bluirinka: COLEMAN! ME TOO!
bluirinka: STOP BEING ME
bluirinka: lol
Bexxxxxx: AWESOME
Bexxxxxx: mr kearns was our music teacher
bluirinka: MR KEARNS!
Bexxxxxx: ficocelli taught at byrd and central
bluirinka: he retired when i was in middle school
Bexxxxxx: did you have mr kearns?
Bexxxxxx: and the tape of halloween songs he'd play?
bluirinka: haha fuck yes, morning chorus
Bexxxxxx: MORNING CHORUS
bluirinka: well i moved to GR in fourth grad
bluirinka: OMG
bluirinka: GET THIS
bluirinka: this will blow your mind, Bex
Bexxxxxx: bring it
bluirinka: Mr Van Delden
bluirinka: his wife died when we were in sixth grade
bluirinka: in seventh grade, he remarried...
bluirinka: MISS RIORDAN
Bexxxxxx: FUCK
Bexxxxxx: ME
bluirinka: YES
Bexxxxxx: WITH A CHAINSAW
Bexxxxxx: WHAT?????????????????????
bluirinka: AHAHAHAHHAHA
bluirinka: I KNOW
Bexxxxxx: say WHAT?
bluirinka: we could NOT believe it
bluirinka: they're still together!
bluirinka: i run into them at like Barnes and Noble all the time
Bexxxxxx: were they having an illicit affair all those years?
when both classes played kickball together?
Bexxxxxx: i somehow thought she was a lesbian
bluirinka: i'm really memorable, b/c i'm so small and loud
bluirinka: omg, i totally thought so too
bluirinka: and because his wife was ill and in a wheelchair
bluirinka: we were all like "uhhhhh?"
bluirinka: it was such a mindfuck
Bexxxxxx: holy shit
Bexxxxxx: that is astounding
bluirinka: the 2 5th grade teachers fucking? WHAT?
Bexxxxxx: i just shrieked into the phone and my friend michael is like, What the fuck?
bluirinka: and all teh central and byrd kids had no idea why we were so traumatized
bluirinka: AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Bexxxxxx: anyway, off the phone. i'm going to see Sweeney on saturday so we had to make plans
bluirinka: we went back right before graduation for that Coleman Reunion
Bexxxxxx: that is INSANE
Bexxxxxx: is mr shumer still therE?
Bexxxxxx: mr blanchard?
Bexxxxxx: mrs whitlock?
bluirinka: Schumer retired when we were in 6th
bluirinka: wow this is so depressing
bluirinka: like, these are all teachers you had
bluirinka: are all teachers that i can trace by their retiration years
bluirinka: Blanchard retired when we were in 8th
bluirinka: but he was there at the Coleman Reunion
bluirinka: that guy...seriously. amazing
bluirinka: Whitlock left too
bluirinka: it was so weird
Bexxxxxx: ah, blanchard
bluirinka: i'm like 5 feet tall, or less
bluirinka: and we went back for the Coleman Reunion
Bexxxxxx: thanks to him i shall never forget the counties in new jersey
bluirinka: and i was taller than him
Bexxxxxx: where did you live in GR?
bluirinka: weirdest. feeling. ever
Bexxxxxx: if you went to Coleman?
bluirinka: OMG
Bexxxxxx: that musta been bizarre
bluirinka: we all sang the counties song at the reunion
bluirinka: and watched the tape of The New Jersey Fair
Bexxxxxx: at this wedding i went to last summer, we all recited the counties
bluirinka: well later i was like "it was so weird to be taller than Mr. B"
bluirinka: and this guy Dave Felt was like "Um, i was taller than him WHEN we were in 4th grade."
Bexxxxxx: bwa ha ha
bluirinka: lol i do it at random times
Bexxxxxx: for sure
bluirinka: when i meet kids from NJ
Bexxxxxx: this shuck Fuphan was taller than him
Bexxxxxx: chick, rather
Bexxxxxx: not shuck
bluirinka: and find out what county they're from
bluirinka: and then name the county seat
Bexxxxxx: right!
bluirinka: (i did the county seats for extra credit...yeah i was cool i swear)
Bexxxxxx: and "the faintest ink is better than the most retentive memory"
Bexxxxxx: niiiice
bluirinka: YES!
bluirinka: inch by inch
bluirinka: it's a cinch
bluirinka: yard by yard
bluirinka: it's too hard
Bexxxxxx: good lord
Bexxxxxx: did he still have a poster of an ape on his wall?
bluirinka: i remember EVERYTHING too
Bexxxxxx: that he called "Grandma"?
bluirinka: OMG YES
Bexxxxxx: no
bluirinka: unbelievable
Bexxxxxx: wow
bluirinka: he was so awesome
Bexxxxxx: and you just graduated in 05????
bluirinka: yup!
Bexxxxxx: 9 years after me? and he still had an ape poster when you were in 4th grade?
Bexxxxxx: geez louise
bluirinka: I live right behind Herold's Farm
bluirinka: b/c i still live there, i bet that's weird to you
Bexxxxxx: i used to babysit for a kid who lived back there
Bexxxxxx: sara royak
Bexxxxxx: (spelling?)
bluirinka: MY NEIGHBOR!
bluirinka: NO FUCKING WAY!
Bexxxxxx: NO!
Bexxxxxx: whoa
bluirinka: that is SO WEIRD
bluirinka: to me Sara is like The Older Girl Next Door
Bexxxxxx: if you keep going on ackerman, past the kosher nosh, your first left is Woodvale
Bexxxxxx: that's where i grew up
Bexxxxxx: on Woodvale
bluirinka: hahahahaha you're kidding!
Bexxxxxx: nope
Bexxxxxx: 117 Woodvale Road
bluirinka: half my friends are off Cornwall and Woodvale
Bexxxxxx: WHOA
bluirinka: i only realized like THIS YEAR
bluirinka: that Cornwall
bluirinka: is Cornwall Road
bluirinka: i never knew if it was Cornwall Ave or Street or what
Bexxxxxx: my best friend lived on gaynor, and my other best friend lived on - shit, i can't remember the name
bluirinka: because it was always just like "oh yeah he lives off Cornwall"
Bexxxxxx: cornwall road - because that was the address of the high school
Bexxxxxx: something cornwall road
bluirinka: what are you serious?
bluirinka: the high school is on Hamilton
Bexxxxxx: right, but the business office is somehow on cornwall
Bexxxxxx: or something like that
bluirinka: yeah the Sports Lobby faces it, that's right
Bexxxxxx: i was the student rep on the board of ed, for some reason i had to mail things
bluirinka: LOL
bluirinka: jesus
bluirinka: so you're like...me, Abbie (yearbook), Dan (newspaper) and Kathy (board of ed)
bluirinka: that...is the weirdest combination of people EVER
Bexxxxxx: oh man. there was this guy in the business office. who totally looked like a leprechaun
bluirinka: the business office? you mean the red shed?
Bexxxxxx: and he was friends with whit and hed come to the newspaper, and we'd make him say you'll never get my lucky stars
Bexxxxxx: yeah
Bexxxxxx: fitzgerald?
bluirinka: hahahahah
Bexxxxxx: shit, i can't remember his name. but we loved him.
bluirinka: Red Shed is a Whitte-ism
Bexxxxxx: red shed, indeed
Bexxxxxx: who's the principal now?
bluirinka: hmm where's 117
bluirinka: McCarthy
bluirinka: there have been a lot of new ones
Bexxxxxx: between -- ack, i can't remember the names
bluirinka: he started when we were freshmen
bluirinka: Schein
Bexxxxxx: hang on, let me think
bluirinka: haha don't worry about it
Bexxxxxx: Schein was my prinicipal
bluirinka: i think McCarthy came after him
bluirinka: Schein died recently
bluirinka: Mrs. Ebeling died
bluirinka: omg, did you have Sponz
Bexxxxxx: mrs. ebeling died???
Bexxxxxx: i did
Bexxxxxx: i heard
Bexxxxxx: soooo sad
bluirinka: i know
Bexxxxxx: actually, i never had him as a teacher
bluirinka: it was terrible
Bexxxxxx: i did the yearbook with him
Bexxxxxx: was he still teaching?
bluirinka: yeah but he was a presence lol
bluirinka: yup, Art, Media Arts, etc
Bexxxxxx: woodvale and Elmwood!
bluirinka: jesus christ
Bexxxxxx: oh, right, it's prospect when you pass Herold's farm, not ackerman
bluirinka: i was a wannabe hanger-on of the Fairmount Gang at some point
Bexxxxxx: there was a fairmount gang?
Bexxxxxx: give me names, maybe i baby sat them
bluirinka: lol, my year there was
bluirinka: yeah but i have to think people around Sara's age
Bexxxxxx: no one my age lived on fairmount
bluirinka: my friend Alyssa Winter has two older sisters, Ashley and Rachel
Bexxxxxx: okay
bluirinka: they're on Fairmount
Bexxxxxx: my brother went to hebrew school with rachel
Bexxxxxx: i knew alyssa when she was a BABY
Bexxxxxx: mewling and puking in her mother's arms
bluirinka: haha that's SO weird to me
Bexxxxxx: isn't her mom crazy strict and stuff?
bluirinka: yeah Alyssa says she's insane
bluirinka: but whatever
bluirinka: haha, to you Alyssa is an infant
bluirinka: to me she's...ALYSSA...like my oldest GR friend
Bexxxxxx: we'd pick up Rachel to go to Hebrew School, and the Winters' mom would come out holding Alyssa
bluirinka: what a mindfuck
bluirinka: i can't even comprehend that
bluirinka: haha, BCHSJS?
bluirinka: Alyssa really liked hebrew high
Bexxxxxx: we went to hebrew school at temple israel (in ridgewood) together
Bexxxxxx: but i did got BCHSJS
Bexxxxxx: sweet jesus, i haven't thought of that acronym in years
bluirinka: oh yeah, she went to Ridgewood
Bexxxxxx: go to, rather
Bexxxxxx: but we left ridgewood in 1993 or something
bluirinka: who else is on Woodvale...the Auerbachs, the Dours
Bexxxxxx: and went back to the glen rock jewish center
Bexxxxxx: not ringing a bell
bluirinka: SOMEONE from the grade above me, i think Jeremy Rosenweig
bluirinka: haha wow, Woodvale is productive
Bexxxxxx: our house was the second one from the end, it was beige with brown trim
bluirinka: Ira and jeremy are both Cornell, Amrhein's at Columbia
Bexxxxxx: i babysat jeremy for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS
Bexxxxxx: they lived across the street
bluirinka: NO!
Bexxxxxx: how'd he turn out?
bluirinka: he's fantastic
bluirinka: one of the nicest guys i've ever met
Bexxxxxx: that is so great to hear
Bexxxxxx: he was a really smart toddler
bluirinka: his senior year, they cut woodshop (but then brought it back later) so he took choir
Bexxxxxx: but he never wanted to go to bed
Bexxxxxx: i had to read him soooo many stories
Bexxxxxx: they cut shop?
Bexxxxxx: poo.
bluirinka: and everyone suddenly realized that he has an amazing voice
Bexxxxxx: wow
Bexxxxxx: who knew?
bluirinka: he had like a 1490 on his SATs, piano prodigy, and is now an engineer at Cornell
bluirinka: when he got in everyone was like "hey, make sure not to kill yourself"
Bexxxxxx: i haven't seen him since he was 6 or so
Bexxxxxx: ithaca IS gorges
Bexxxxxx: someone else i knew lived back where you are, but i can't remember anymore
bluirinka: LOL everoyne is always surprised that there are houses behind Herold's
bluirinka: they assume it's like infinite stretches of farmland
Bexxxxxx: right!
Bexxxxxx: my friend Kevin worked at herold's
Bexxxxxx: we used to go visit
Bexxxxxx: i actually worked at the Prospect Bakery, which i don't know if it's still there
Bexxxxxx: it was next to krauzer's
bluirinka: LOL sort of
bluirinka: it's there but with a new name
bluirinka: KRAUSZER's
bluirinka: my sister still like lives there
Bexxxxxx: amazing
bluirinka: that complex is becoming so different though
bluirinka: ever since the Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins came on the corner
bluirinka: where i worked
bluirinka: b/c it was across the street
bluirinka: lol it's so funny
bluirinka: when people ask where i live
bluirinka: "do you know where Herold's Farm is?"
bluirinka: "no"
bluirinka: "how about Turvino's?"
bluirinka: "no"
bluirinka: "Bottle King?"
bluirinka: "OHHH! why didn't you say so in the first place?"
bluirinka: LOL
Bexxxxxx: turvinos!!!!!!
Bexxxxxx: dave, the tufts guy i dated, LOVED turvinos
Bexxxxxx: they used to call my neighborhood "smurf village"
Bexxxxxx: because it was so out of the way
Bexxxxxx: this kid, jason dolgoff, who graduated in 94 lived near me
Bexxxxxx: on fairmount
bluirinka: hmm not ringing any bells
Bexxxxxx: and all his friends, with whom i became friends, always refered to dropping us off as going to smurf village
Bexxxxxx: he works in radio now, i think
bluirinka: LOL wow, same here, in that when my friend Ken who lives on Doremus would drive me home, i'd feel so bad b/c it was like the exact opposite corner of town
Bexxxxxx: totally
bluirinka: hey, when you were in middle school, did the Central and Byrd kids band together and proclaim that the Coleman kids were losers?
Bexxxxxx: the bullaros lived on doremus
Bexxxxxx: hmmm
bluirinka: Julia Bullaro
Bexxxxxx: not really
Bexxxxxx: but they all knew each other
bluirinka: yeah b/c they ate lunch in town together
Bexxxxxx: i was friends with gabe!
Bexxxxxx: right
Bexxxxxx: town!
Bexxxxxx: do they still call the alley next to rock ridge "the pit" ?
bluirinka: YES
bluirinka: what the fuck!
Bexxxxxx: people still drink in the arb? and LD?
bluirinka: haha what's LD?
bluirinka: as for the arboretum, there was a minor scandal a while back b/c someone had reportedly set up a "sex den"
bluirinka: like a tent with couches or something
bluirinka: and some old woman walking her dog came across it and got all horrified, or SOMETHIGN like that, i dunno
Bexxxxxx: oh lord
Bexxxxxx: the LD = lower doremus
Bexxxxxx: woods
Bexxxxxx: by the railroad tracks
bluirinka: haha OHHH
Bexxxxxx: we were in the arb once
Bexxxxxx: and these cops jumped out of the bushes
Bexxxxxx: dressed like bushes
Bexxxxxx: it was awesome
bluirinka: LMAO that's amazing
Bexxxxxx: they used to call those woods "club LD"
bluirinka: yeah see all the cops are either recent GRHS grads or have kids that go to GRHS
bluirinka: so you get Steph Dour to come to any party
Bexxxxxx: no fucking way
bluirinka: and it won't get busted, b/c no one's going to bust Officer Dour's daughter
Bexxxxxx: whooooooooooa
Bexxxxxx: we had no cop kids
Bexxxxxx: BUT
Bexxxxxx: one of the cheerleaders was fucking the chief
Bexxxxxx: in his cop car
Bexxxxxx: at the cvs parking lot
bluirinka: NO WAY!
bluirinka: HEY
bluirinka: did you have Lois [last name deleted b/c it'll show up on Google, lol] as athletic trainer
Bexxxxxx: i did
Bexxxxxx: i heard she had an affair with a student
Bexxxxxx: gerarde's sister or something like that
bluirinka: YES
bluirinka: yup, a girl
bluirinka: Jenna [last name deleted! damn you Google]
Bexxxxxx: gerarde's sister!
Bexxxxxx: the [blank]-[blanks] were GRHS legacies
Bexxxxxx: the uncle was a football champ
bluirinka: and is now not allowed within like a mile radius of our school or something
bluirinka: oh yeah def
Bexxxxxx: that is HORRIBLE, re: lois
Bexxxxxx: was it consensual?
bluirinka: they're up there with the Mapes and Glass family
bluirinka: i think so
Bexxxxxx: and how did the kids react to Jenna?
bluirinka: i have no clue
bluirinka: it was when i was in middle school
Bexxxxxx: ah
Bexxxxxx: dang
Bexxxxxx: mr nimphius apparently married this chick
Bexxxxxx: who was a track star
Bexxxxxx: and they'd been having an affair throughout high school
Bexxxxxx: or so i heard
bluirinka: oh yeah def
bluirinka: i didn't know they got married
bluirinka: but he was involved with a former student
bluirinka: Nimpho!
Bexxxxxx: so my mom says, anyway
bluirinka: i wish i had recapped freshman year
bluirinka: so many classic Nimpho moments
Bexxxxxx: he used to always have a sunglasses tan
bluirinka: LOL I just remembered that time that Odie was about to explain to Joy Park what a threesome was
bluirinka: Nimpho was a woodchuck
bluirinka: i'm still mad about the oppressive ruler tournament
Bexxxxxx: the who?
bluirinka: that's like immediately what i remember about Nimphius' class
bluirinka: AWWW you didn't have that?
Bexxxxxx: i never had him has a teacher
Bexxxxxx: i had deatt-schumaecher-deatt-schumaecher
bluirinka: it was like, what consumed March-April of freshman year
bluirinka: hahah wow
bluirinka: mine was Nimpho Deaett Deaett Schu
Bexxxxxx: and in junior high i had mr. bentsen both years
bluirinka: oh wow, we had 3 years of MS
bluirinka: BENTZEN!
bluirinka: he like LIVES at Hooters
Bexxxxxx: no!
Bexxxxxx: he used to tell us stories about sizzler
bluirinka: yuuup
bluirinka: he's so ridiculous
Bexxxxxx: and his tae kwon do
Bexxxxxx: once, kate lang put chalk in his thermos
Bexxxxxx: as a joke
bluirinka: he and Mr. Tworek watched porn along with the rest of the 8th grade class on the Washington trip
Bexxxxxx: did he always have his thermos when you had him?
Bexxxxxx: NO
bluirinka: LANG! another GR family
Bexxxxxx: that's insane
bluirinka: YES and spam
Bexxxxxx: spam
Bexxxxxx: and he had a king's crown
bluirinka: HAHA YES!
bluirinka: hey did you know a kid named Paul Cusack
Bexxxxxx: mmm. nope.
bluirinka: he was like around Sara Royak's time
bluirinka: lol they invented a subject so that Cusack could come teach here and thereby coach soccer
bluirinka: but anyway
Bexxxxxx: i knew people in the 1992-1996 era
Bexxxxxx: whoa
bluirinka: "Information Literacy"
Bexxxxxx: what the fuck is that?
bluirinka: omg, wow, this is soooo much better than doing this Russian paper
bluirinka: it like taught us how to do homework and bibliographies and shit
bluirinka: most worthless class ever
Bexxxxxx: we had one semester of "study skills" in 7th
Bexxxxxx: taught by mrs. lundy
bluirinka: Lundy!!
Bexxxxxx: mithuth lundy
bluirinka: i had her for 2 years
Bexxxxxx: yikes
Bexxxxxx: she was my advisor on the jr. high paper
Bexxxxxx: the gator gazette
bluirinka: lol
bluirinka: wtf, Gator Gazette?!
bluirinka: no wait what was its name
bluirinka: oh yeah
Bexxxxxx: yup
bluirinka: VOX PANTHERARUM
Bexxxxxx: no!
Bexxxxxx: WHAT?
Bexxxxxx: ew
Bexxxxxx: actually
bluirinka: a sad, pitiful excuse for the echo
Bexxxxxx: do they still have all the 8th grade citizenship award winners on the wall by the auditorium?
bluirinka: Lundy's good friends with my sister (HS freshman)
Bexxxxxx: my name was up there.
bluirinka: heck yes!
Bexxxxxx: still is, i suppose
bluirinka: LOL surprise surprise
Bexxxxxx: me and justin morris
Bexxxxxx: he's a dentist now
bluirinka: what is it? when i go back for Thanksgiving i'll talk to Whittie about you
Bexxxxxx: ick
Bexxxxxx: rebecca schwartz
bluirinka: jesus fucking christ
Bexxxxxx: but i was "becky" in high school
bluirinka: sd;flkaj;sldkfj
bluirinka: oh duh, you told me your borther's name
bluirinka: i can't imagine that
bluirinka: picking a random name from my Senior Edition of the Glen Echo
bluirinka: (currently hanging up on the wall opposite me)
bluirinka: and saying "he's a dentist now"
bluirinka: that is the WEIRDEST THING EVER
Bexxxxxx: and i've been "bex" since 1998 or so
bluirinka: that like, one of my classmates may be Somebody's Dentist
Bexxxxxx: right?
bluirinka: i like Bex
Bexxxxxx: it's better than becky by far
bluirinka: i hate my name b/c there are no good nicknames for it
bluirinka: Nay and Naynay are so annoying
bluirinka: Ren sounds weird
Bexxxxxx: but they're fun to say
bluirinka: lol
Bexxxxxx: i have a co-worked named Renee
Bexxxxxx: we call her ree-nee sometimes
bluirinka: yup
bluirinka: Renny
bluirinka: and i'm Russian
bluirinka: the way you make Russian names diminutive is to add K's
Bexxxxxx: ah
Bexxxxxx: my grandparents did the yiddish thing
bluirinka: so my Russian name, Reena, becomes Reenka
Bexxxxxx: adding an "ala" to your name. so i was "Beckela"
bluirinka: when i told this to my friends they were like "so what's YOUR name? Reneek? Renkee?"
bluirinka: and i was Renkee for a while after that
bluirinka: hahahahaha
Bexxxxxx: Renkee is good
bluirinka: i'm STILL Cherzele
Bexxxxxx: i dropped my last name like it was hot
bluirinka: my brother Andrew is 3 and a half
Bexxxxxx: when i started performing
bluirinka: and one day we were quizzing him on relations
bluirinka: like, who is Renee to you? and he'd say, "sister"
bluirinka: etc
Bexxxxxx: right
bluirinka: then we asked who my cousin Jeffrey was to my grandma
bluirinka: he said, "Ketzik"
bluirinka: LOLOLOL it was so funny
Bexxxxxx: that's awesome
bluirinka: or maybe "Cherzik"
bluirinka: i've seriously had more intelligent conversations with my brother than with kids in my graduating class
bluirinka: HEY did your class beat the keg race?
Bexxxxxx: ha
Bexxxxxx: we did not
bluirinka: mine failed miserably, it was hilarious
Bexxxxxx: i didn't drink back then because i was a LOSER
bluirinka: but 2004 did it
Bexxxxxx: and someone blamed me for not doing my part
Bexxxxxx: my class did hang a keg from the flagpole on the last day of school
Bexxxxxx: i totally forgot about the keg race
bluirinka: i totally remember seeing your name on the Citizenship sign now
bluirinka: that's AWESOME
Bexxxxxx: 1992, baby
bluirinka: did you guys do the whole, night before graduation seniors sleep on the football field thing?
Bexxxxxx: nope
Bexxxxxx: i think the football team talked about it
bluirinka: HA someone told me that was a tradition that went back like 20 years
Bexxxxxx: i was sick for most of june and i missed all the fun shit
Bexxxxxx: it might have happened, i was probably not allowed out of the house

CUT OUT, NONE OF YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT WAS SAID NEXT, lol. although many of you probably already know, actually. whatever.

Bexxxxxx: most of my friends took junior boys to our sr. prom
bluirinka: NO WAY, i always had this thing where i ended up going after junior boy after junior boy
Bexxxxxx: ah, graduation practive
Bexxxxxx: dig: we graduated in the gym
Bexxxxxx: it poured
bluirinka: awwww
bluirinka: ours was beautiful
Bexxxxxx: wait
Bexxxxxx: not the gym
bluirinka: i was the third person to graduate
Bexxxxxx: the auditorium
bluirinka: yeah
Bexxxxxx: all the grandparents sat in the gym
Bexxxxxx: wow
bluirinka: b/c my grad partner was the valedictorian
Bexxxxxx: nice
Bexxxxxx: wait
bluirinka: so it went Class President, his partner, then me, then valedictorian
Bexxxxxx: i was the fifth person to graduate
Bexxxxxx: as student council prez, walking in with the class prez
bluirinka: lol wow
Bexxxxxx: that's too funny
bluirinka: Bex Schwartz
bluirinka: you officially win high school
Bexxxxxx: no way
Bexxxxxx: i sucked at high school
Bexxxxxx: i totally won college, tho
bluirinka: hahahaha
bluirinka: no you totally win high school
Bexxxxxx: believe me, i was not a high school winner
bluirinka: you got everything important and manage to have (what i think of as) an awesome life
Bexxxxxx: ah
bluirinka: i didn't drink much in HS either
Bexxxxxx: my years of not being particularly happy or fitting in resulted in a fantastic source of material as an artist
bluirinka: because in all honesty i act drunk enough when i'm sober
Bexxxxxx: same here
bluirinka: AWWW really?!
Bexxxxxx: yuppers
bluirinka: see that's the thing
Bexxxxxx: that's how i started my comedy career
Bexxxxxx: recounting stories of HS
Bexxxxxx: that are now HIlarious
bluirinka: i suck at being in a bad mood
bluirinka: i'm always just like, why be pissed when i can be happy
Bexxxxxx: right
Bexxxxxx: ah, i used to be like that
bluirinka: ohhh i'd love to hear your routines some day
bluirinka: hence, my LJ isn't talking about unrequited love and family problems all the time
Bexxxxxx: i don't work out as much anymore, because i shoot two or three shows a week and that keeps me busy
bluirinka: (not that i have family problems, i not only love my family, i actually LIKE them, too lol)
Bexxxxxx: but i pop up all over the city at times.
Bexxxxxx: nice
Bexxxxxx: yeah, i'm friends with the 'rents
Bexxxxxx: it's weird
bluirinka: no, here's the weirdest thing ever
bluirinka: my mom is like really really proper
Bexxxxxx: my boo is actually closer to their age than to mine, so we all seem to hang out a lot. WEIRD>
bluirinka: i'm not allowed to say "fart" in front of her
Bexxxxxx: wow
bluirinka: haha YEAH that IS weird
Bexxxxxx: we make the Osbournes look tame when we're together
bluirinka: anyway
bluirinka: but when my sister and i REALLY piss her off
bluirinka: she comes out with all these hilarious Russian idiomatic expressions
bluirinka: which, when translated, sound HILARIOUS
bluirinka: "go fart on the ceiling!"
bluirinka: it's AMAZING
Bexxxxxx: awesome!
bluirinka: so one day i was on the phone iwth her
Bexxxxxx: my grandparents would use the yiddish ones: grow like an onion with your head in the ground, that stuff
bluirinka: and i was like "Mom, can you PLEASE say 'go fart on the ceiling?' that just makes my day, say it, PLEASE"
Bexxxxxx: heh
bluirinka: and she goes
bluirinka: "what, is this like a 'i like it when you talk dirty to me' kind of thing?"
bluirinka: i FREAKED OUT
bluirinka: my MOM said that
Bexxxxxx: oh my lord
Bexxxxxx: that is so rich
bluirinka: i was liek MOM! I AM HANGING UP RIGHT NOW!
bluirinka: so funny
bluirinka: i love your grandparents for saying that, btw
Bexxxxxx: that's excellent
Bexxxxxx: put that in your screenplay, btw
bluirinka: AW!
bluirinka: you know, that's what it comes down to
bluirinka: i can study Political Science or whatever as much as I want
bluirinka: but in the end i'll probably be a writer
bluirinka: my parents figured that out like five years ago, lol
Bexxxxxx: you're at a good liberal arts school
Bexxxxxx: just be sure to take classes in whatever interests you
Bexxxxxx: especially if they're outside your major
bluirinka: haha oh absolutely
bluirinka: i love all my professors
Bexxxxxx: the stuff i think back on all the time are the classes i took just because i thought they sounded great
bluirinka: best schedule ever, too, no class Fridays and my only class Monday is at 1 30
bluirinka: that is SO the way to go
Bexxxxxx: i was a theatre/english double major, and i ended up a writer-director for tv.
bluirinka: hahahahahah
Bexxxxxx: so these things just find a way of working themselves out.
bluirinka: unfortrunately, however
bluirinka: i may have to try transferring to Columbia
bluirinka: even though i like Tufts better
bluirinka: my mom works there so i'd get free tuition
Bexxxxxx: i chose not to go to Columbia
Bexxxxxx: because the whole campus-on-a-hill thing is SO IMPORTANT
bluirinka: although my parents are more concerned with the fact that it's much closer to home
bluirinka: well that's Tufts in a SENTENCE!
Bexxxxxx: the thing about columbia
bluirinka: i know, i don't wnat to be smack dab in the middle of the city
Bexxxxxx: great school. but core curriculum? ICK
bluirinka: plus i'll prob end up living or working in the city
Bexxxxxx: and
bluirinka: YES
bluirinka: i know
Bexxxxxx: you're all the way in morningside heights
Bexxxxxx: upper upper west
bluirinka: Tufts is really good about requirements
Bexxxxxx: to get to the LES or the East Village, where you'd want to hang out (i'm assuming, b/c that's where i hang out), is a BITCH
Bexxxxxx: plus, you're confined to tiny dorm rooms
Bexxxxxx: no pretty campus to wander
Bexxxxxx: PLUS, NYC is fucking EXPENSIVE.
bluirinka: ugh, i know
Bexxxxxx: especially as a student
bluirinka: but think of it this way
Bexxxxxx: all of which are reasons to stay at Tufts
bluirinka: i'm saving my parents 40,000 dollars
Bexxxxxx: but the tuition thing is keen
Bexxxxxx: right
bluirinka: actually
bluirinka: there's an agreement among schools that's like
bluirinka: if your parent's on the faculty, you pay half tuition anywhere else
bluirinka: so Tufts is costing my parents only 20,000
bluirinka: damn, i wish i graduated your year
Bexxxxxx: my senior year, i had taken enough credits to graduate, so i was only a "part-time" student, being a TA and taking my thesis tutorial. saved mad bank.
bluirinka: no one gets into the top schools anymore
Bexxxxxx: tufts is 40 grand a year????????????
Bexxxxxx: sheeit
bluirinka: almost
Bexxxxxx: holy moses.
bluirinka: and we're not even the most expensive
Bexxxxxx: nyu is
bluirinka: wow that's a really good deal
bluirinka: actually
bluirinka: i think GW beats NYU
Bexxxxxx: the nyu kids loooove the comedy
bluirinka: i'm soooo glad i didn't go to NYU
Bexxxxxx: and they always come to shows and we always make fun of them
Bexxxxxx: teehee
bluirinka: haha i went to Stand Up NY over the summer
bluirinka: most amazing thing ever
bluirinka: HAHA
Bexxxxxx: god, i used to gig there all the time
bluirinka: i didn't stop laughing the entire time
bluirinka: but then again i'm really inclined to laughter
Bexxxxxx: who did you see?
Bexxxxxx: i did a show there in august
bluirinka: Todd [Berry - again, Google, lol]
Bexxxxxx: that's so funny
Bexxxxxx: i DATED todd [berry]
bluirinka: and Dino something
bluirinka: WHAT!
Bexxxxxx: and by DATEd i mean SLEPT WITH
Bexxxxxx: ick, right?
bluirinka: WHAAAAT!
bluirinka: no, not ick!
Bexxxxxx: he's super smart
bluirinka: the guy was fucking amazing
Bexxxxxx: i was drunk
Bexxxxxx: i was drunk for like a year
Bexxxxxx: that's what doing comedy does to you
Bexxxxxx: hence the sleeping-with-todd-[berry] thing
bluirinka: I CANNOT BELIEVE this
Bexxxxxx: that's funny, the night i did a show at stand up, todd was there and doing a show right after mine
bluirinka: i can't wait to tell my friend Josh
bluirinka: he loooves Todd Berry
Bexxxxxx: that's sooooo funny
Bexxxxxx: small fucking world
bluirinka: i know, my mind is like reeling
bluirinka: i'm thinking back to that line in the Todd Berry recording Josh sent me
Bexxxxxx: which one?
bluirinka: when he asked the women in the audience if they'd rather sleep with a smelly gross Brad Pitt or a freshly washed Todd Berry
bluirinka: i was thinking "please. Todd Berry!"
bluirinka: and now i know someone
bluirinka: that ACTUALLY SLEPT WITH TODD BERRY
bluirinka: lol sorry
bluirinka: i sound like a fucking groupie or something
bluirinka: it's just weird
bluirinka: like you never think to yourself
bluirinka: that one day you may be the person that has sex with Todd Berry that he talks about in his sketches
Bexxxxxx: i had a bad habit of fucking musicians and comics for a while
bluirinka: lol what's wrong with that?
Bexxxxxx: like "i love your work, i want to sleep with you!"
bluirinka: hahahahaha
bluirinka: at least they're personality guys
Bexxxxxx: i actually lost my virginity to the guy whose face was all over my high school locker. talk about being the person who has sex with: ____ type of thing
bluirinka: ooh who was it!
Bexxxxxx: oh dear
Bexxxxxx: ancient history
Bexxxxxx: mike [wills - GODDAMN YOU GOOGLE]
bluirinka: hahahaha
Bexxxxxx: the bassist from [90's band that consists of three letters in initials, the first being R and the last being M, lol]
bluirinka: are you fucking KIDDING me
Bexxxxxx: my fave band in high school
Bexxxxxx: nope
Bexxxxxx: for reals
bluirinka: everybody hurts?!
Bexxxxxx: that's the one
bluirinka: you're like Katie Holmes or something
Bexxxxxx: no one listens to [aforementioned 90's band] much these days, i fear
Bexxxxxx: oh dear me, no
bluirinka: if she were actually a virgin before Tom Cruise
bluirinka: which she so was not
Bexxxxxx: no scientology for me
bluirinka: hahahahah
Bexxxxxx: that's freaky, i never thought of the whole katie/posters of Tom, bex/posters of REM thing
bluirinka: i need to just post this conversation into an LJ entry
Bexxxxxx: and she and i are the same age, and Tom and my boyfriend are the same age
Bexxxxxx: rock it!
bluirinka: WEIRD
bluirinka: well are you sure? you did mention some people
bluirinka: and let me tell you
Bexxxxxx: oh yes
Bexxxxxx: let's delete the todd [berry] / mike [wills] bits
bluirinka: google DOES take you to my LJ, as you know
Bexxxxxx: and probably naming the names in the lois section
bluirinka: hahahahaha
bluirinka: that's what i though
bluirinka: thought*
bluirinka: this is just too amazing
Bexxxxxx: so much fun
Bexxxxxx: and i must sign off
Bexxxxxx: i have a huge meeting in six hours
Bexxxxxx: ick
bluirinka: haha yeah i still need to write a Russian paper
bluirinka: oh my god, but seriously, thank you for some of the best entertainment i've had in months
Bexxxxxx: ditto!
Bexxxxxx: is your livejournal the same address as the one i was reading?
bluirinka: hope to talk to you again sometime
Bexxxxxx: sure thing
bluirinka: http://www.livejournal.com/~bluirinka ?
Bexxxxxx: i'm always on im
bluirinka: minus the question mark
bluirinka: LOL me too
bluirinka: i live online
Bexxxxxx: got it
Bexxxxxx: duly bookmarked
bluirinka: i bought a 50 foot cable so i could be online in the lounge outside my dorm
bluirinka: AW
bluirinka: night Bex!
Bexxxxxx: Wifi, sister, Wifi!
Bexxxxxx: night!
Bexxxxxx: talk to you soon!
bluirinka: hee
Bexxxxxx signed off at 3:17:34 AM.

.......i think that speaks for itself. Fucking. Amazing. Now I have even more motivation to write shit up, lol, maybe I'll even start after I finish this Russian paper. I love whoever actually read that entire thing...meaning, I love Dan Schaub HAHAHA <3 you Dan.

Mindfuckedly yours,
Lobsicakes!

Flaws

2005-09-20T01:03:56Z

Boris and I were talking about flaws. Specifically, he was talking about how he hates his friends' flaws, and yet he loves them all the more for having these flaws. Then the following took place -

Me: So what's my flaw? Not being able to shut up?
Boris: No...that's not a flaw...i'm trying to think up a way to put it into words.
Me: (thinking)
Me: Is it that I take so much pride in being an atypical girl, but then I always do Typical Girl things, except I somehow justify them to myself, and yet there is no justification for them?
Boris: YES! EXACTLY!

Wow, I don't even need Boris anymore to aid in the Renee-analysis.

Psychoanalytically yours,
Lobsicakes